| Gallery 607 Grope A Dope |
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The September
2005 issue of Maxim magazine included a very interesting article
by John Cena, explaining how to Body Slam your opponent in four steps. |
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His explanation is more suggestive
and erotic than anything I could ever write, so I decided to let Mr. Cena
narrate this week's Body Slam gallery using his own words from Maxim... |
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Photo Caption: "I
hope you like the taste of zipper!" |
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"Grope a Dope" "How To Do A Body Slam" |
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"WWE champion John Cena
explains how to scoop another man between the legs -- and still look like
a bad-ass." |
| 1. Size Matters |
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| "You've got to size
up the person you're trying to slam," growls the 6'1", 240-pound Cena,
who recently pile-drove the air-waves with his debut rap album, You Can't
See Me. |
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"If you're a smaller
guy, the slam isn't gonna have as much impact." |
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"The stronger you are,
the harder you can slam the guy." |
| "So the short
and weak need not apply." Unless, of course, you're wrestling midgets. |
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| 2. Fight Dirty |
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| "I suggest raking the
eyes, kicking the nuts, and driving your opponent into inanimate objects." |
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| "Once he's
dazed, throw your left hand behind his neck and your right hand between his
legs, right under his family basket." |
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"Firmly grip his neck
and butt, then squat down and heave upward..." |
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"...rotating him so
his thigh ends up on your right shoulder --" |
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"-- and he's facing
the mat in terror." |
| 3. Just Drop
It |
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| Now for the fun part. "The best way to slam him is to
take the hand that's around his neck and jerk it down." |
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| "At the
same time, give his breadbasket a good squeeze to let him know you're there..." |
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| "...and
push him toward the ground." |
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| "The combo
of pulling down on his neck and shoving his crotch will flip him over onto
his back..." |
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"...where, like a good
Tri-Delt, he belongs." |
| 4. Slam Dance |
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| "Once you drop him,
you can do a number of things." |
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| "If you're
in a match, you'll want to go for a pin." |
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"But if you're in a
street fight, just start talkin' shit. Tell him you're the man." |
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"You can also insert
your own end-zone dance. Bust out the Ickey Shuffle or the You Can't
See Me." |
| "As you cut the rug,
though, don't forget..." |
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| "...that you still
have to explain away that pesky boner." -- John Cena, Maxim, September 2005
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