An Ode to Trunks

A reader of this Blog recently sent me an e-mail, quoted below, that describes some of his thoughts on wrestling trunks — especially the really eye-catching, brightly colored style.

I inserted these photos from my collection of the sort of trunks he is describing to help illustrate his points.  His comments really captured the same impressions that I’m sure many wrestling trunk-lovers have been experiencing — see if you agree:

“Nothing can push my buttons as potently as when a smooth, Young Handsome Musclestud wearing a tiny, bright-colored speedo squares off against a fully-clothed, mean and hairy Veteran Hateful Heel.”

A solid, classic musclejobber if he’s worth his salt and desires career longevity must use the tools of his trade to become a fan favorite.

In this regard trunk selection is crucial. He simply can’t wear boring ol’ non-descript trunks. He needs color, shine, neon, stars, sparkle, flag-motifs, cool logos, anything that will attract attention to his youthful vigor, peacock showboating and high-flying acrobatics.

And, needless to say, the skimpier his trunks are the better.

We hunkgazers demand easy visual access for our ritualistic Bod, Butt and Basket Inspections.

Case in point: my fanaticism for Young Stallion Paul Roma quelled considerably when he made an ill-advised switch from his trademark fire-engine red trunks to your basic-blah black trunks in the early ’90s.

You can’t discern bulges the same with black.  Virtually every other color benefits from the caprices of light that often reveal the heft and length of a wrestler’s frank ‘n’ beans — or even expose the gold standard of basket-watching — the elusive coronal ridge, the base of the head.

Now unless the cameraman zooms in and lingers on a basket in black trunks — highly unlikely in straight Pro — you ain’t seeing shit.

Black is the absence of light. It’s never going to help you play Dick Detective.  Roma’s new trunks may have been just as tight, but the damage was done.

Besides, everyone knows black is meant to be worn by heels, not good guys. It’s one of the core tenets of Manhood and Mythology.

Unfortunately that is exactly the role Roma was soon to adopt.

As one of the Four Horseman or Pretty Wonderful or Pride and Glory the unparalleled glory of the Stallion’s jobber days — in blazing scarlet — was a thing of the past.

Jo Atlas/Mark Hussein in a tiny Superman speedo explains it all.”