Crush Master Punk

Fans can never get a straight answer when they ask C.M. Punk what his initials “C.M.” stand for.  Sometimes he’ll say “Chick Magnet,” or “Cookie Monster,” or even “Charles Manson.”  Or he’ll say it stands for “Chicago Made,” “Championship Material,” or it doesn’t stand for anything.  One nice thing about having initials is that he can change the words to match whatever gimmick he’s portraying at the time.

Because of his obvious love of scissors, both the Head and Body variations, I’ve decided the C.M. must stand for “Crush Master.”

You just don’t see scissors in pro wrestling too much any more — certainly not as much as I’d like to see them!  And certainly not maintained for several minutes, unbroken, like in the good old days.  I just realized that I think scissors may be my favorite wrestling hold.  Something about laying down together, gripping with the legs, the crushing pressure — it’s so elementary and so fun to watch the victim squirm and struggle.

The nice thing about Punk is that he is keeping the good old scissors alive, using them in almost every match.  He applies scissors so often, in fact, that I think he knows I’m watching, and he knows that I really like seeing the scissors, so he’s just toying with me.

There is something a little seedy, a little dirty, about CM Punk — with all his tattoos and piercings, his long stringy hair (before someone shaved it off.) Compared to all the Quarterback and Frat Boy types currently swelling the ranks of the WWE, Punk seems like he’d rather be getting into some freaky alternative shenanigans, maybe a ritual sacrifice or even a political rally, rather than hanging out on the football field or at the Fraternity house with all the Face Men!  For a while there, he was looking a bit like a lunatic or homeless man!  He looked like maybe he had stopped showering.

His ragged appearance makes his scissors seem more degrading, more humiliating, because the Quarterback wrestler is trapped between the freak’s dirty legs, his head pinched in close to those too-tight little trunks that look like fancy underwear. And Punk squeezes away with delight, really working the hold, making his victims start to pass out.  So Crush Master, if you’re out there reading this Blog, keep up the good work — keep the scissors in your Arsenal.  This fan really appreciates it!