The Lover Boy

One trend on TV shows in the 1980’s was to film a Wrestling Episode where the stars of the show would interact with pro wrestlers or sometimes even climb in the ring.  Sometimes it was hot, sometimes it was not.  Some shows delivered higher quality wrestling, and some presented the homo-erotic themes more explicitly.

One 80’s wrestling episode that has always stuck in my memory for the eroticism and excitement was (believe it or not) an episode of The Love Boat in 1987.  I’ve always wanted to see this show again to see if it was as exciting as I remembered it, and recently I had the pleasure of finding an online video of Love Boat Season 9, Episode 13: “Who’s the Champ.”

The wrestler known as “Lover Boy” acts like an arrogant braggart in the ring, flaunting his handsome looks and popularity with the ladies while talking trash to his opponents.  But we soon learn he is actually a friendly, earnest, likeable guy outside the ring who wants to save his money, open a sports memorabilia shop, and settle down.

Lover Boy’s opponent is a Tom Selleck look-alike known as “The Mangler.”  The plot thickens when Mangler’s sister becomes attracted to Lover Boy, who also falls for her.  A modified love triangle is established (with a sibling relationship, instead of the traditional romantic relationship, between the female and one of the males.)  As usual, the focus of the M-F-M love triangle is on the interactions between the two males involved.

Does the Lover Boy’s attraction to the sister perhaps reveal a secret longing for her brother?  Is he using the sister as a replacement for, or link to, her big, brawny bro?

To build up heat for their match, the two rivals get in each other’s face about six times, argue and threaten each other (“Stay away from my sister!“) and use numerous pro wrestling cliche’s during their interview segments which highlight the potential homo-erotic attraction between them.  For example:

• Lover Boy: “I’ve been waiting for this match ever since the Mangler put my partner in the hospital with an illegal move!”   Does the term “partner” refer to Lover Boy’s life partner?  Did Mangler perhaps harm this “partner” on purpose to clear the way for his own relationship with Lover Boy?  Lover Boy is sure eager to get with the Mangler — “waiting for this match” — now that the partner is out of the picture.

• Mangler:  “If Loverboy thinks he’s gonna try his Grip of Death on me, this is what I’m gonna do to him!” [Crushes a can].   The term ‘Grip of Death’ is sometimes used as a slang term for grabbing too hard during masturbation, which is again implied when the Mangler crushes the can — that he is going to mangle Lover Boy, down there, or at least squeeze his cock.  Isn’t “Grip of Death” an intriguing name for a male-on-male wrestling hold?

It’s time for their match, and the ring gear worn by the wrestlers is just as skimpy and sexy as I recalled in my fantasies.  DAMN, Love Boat!

Mangler’s leopard-print gear really sets off his savage tan, giving him a Tarzan vibe.  And the skinny Lover Boy appears to be lounging on the couch on a lazy Sunday morning in his skimpy red speedo and white tank top.

The costumes may be particularly revealing, but the wrestling is not great.  At least Mangler knows how to apply a headlock…

Oh — I forgot to mention that Hulk Hogan makes a cameo appearance as commentator.  He is very annoyed and even embarrassed by the lackluster wrestling, which was an interesting twist to the story.  You’d expect the commentator to praise the wild excitement and high quality of the product he’s promoting, but instead, Hogan calls the two men in the ring an insult to his profession and claims that he is the only REAL professional wrestler on the ship.  Even his rude insults gave me a hard-on, like I wanted the two men to attack him to make him eat his words — or at least try.

After a few minutes and a few basic holds, the two wrestlers perform one of the most suggestive, most erotic wrestling moves I’ve ever seen in my life.  Their long-held Double Bearhug maneuver fueled my fantasies for years after seeing this Love Boat episode and burned itself in my memory.

I had almost forgotten how sexual the scene appeared until I saw it again on this video:  their chests and crotches pressed together, Mangler’s dark flesh wrapped around the helpless Lover Boy’s skinny bod and vice versa, the violent grinding of their bodies as they arch their backs and toss their hair around.  And neither man has any desire to release his grip on the other man.  MMMMMM.

Hogan can’t take any more of these weak no-talent rookies (or can’t wait to get involved with them), so he jumps in the ring, rips off his shirt to reveal his massive torso, and breaks up the Double Bearhug by conking their skulls together.

I always wondered why Hogan stormed the ring and ended this hot match.  I always suspected that Hogan had determined that this scenario was too explicitly sexual — too homo-erotic — and Gay Panic had set in.  Well I didn’t know what “Gay Panic” meant at the time, but you get the idea.

I’ve also wondered why the Lover Boy character wore a white tank top in the ring.  After all, he was seen shirtless earlier in the episode (see him smiling at poolside above).  Everyone knows wrestlers usually don’t wear shirts in the ring (thankfully…)

Maybe the actor is ashamed of his small, skinny body compared to the stronger men.  Or maybe the scene was deemed too racy and sexual if all the men were topless, so they put one man in a wife beater to avert Gay Panic — the depiction of naked man-flesh touching other naked man-flesh.  In the end, Hulk Hogan tosses the other “wrestlers” out of the ring and pumps up his dark,  manly torso, showing off his huge muscles.

But the story (and the implied homo-erotic content) does not end with the wrestling match.  Later the ship’s photographer (who happens to be the most handsome cast member) finds himself in the steam room with Lover Boy.  He exclaims: “Hey Lover Boy!” which causes the third man in the room to quickly scoot away and exit the room, suspecting that these two pretty boys might be a couple of them queers.  After all, aren’t saunas traditionally the prime hook-up spot for homos?

Ace then slaps Lover Boy on the shoulder in a friendly way, causing the injured wrestler to gasp in pain.  (Not sure when or how his shoulder was injured — maybe from hugging too tightly in the Double Bearhug.)

There is tension in the air (sexual tension?) when the Mangler suddendly enters the steam room.  “Want to re-enact our match right now?” asks the Lover Boy.  (YES!  Please restart the match NOW in that Double Bearhug position!  PLEASE!!)

When Ace the photographer (sweat glistening on his hairy chest) tries to calm down the situation, the Mangler threatens: “How ’bout we start with you?”  (YES!  Can we get a Triple Bearhug??!!)   Ace quickly runs out, the heat in the steam room more than he can handle.

Next, Mangler’s sister props a bench against the door to entrap her two men — her brother and her lover —  in the steam room together, and says she won’t let them out until they shake hands.

The men soon explain their feelings and forge a homo-social bond.  This is the “Love” Boat after all — nobody goes home single.  Note that the female is removed from the scene, irrelevant, de-emphasized, and the focus is on the relationship of the males.

As the men are exiting the ship, they see Hulk Hogan and threaten him to a Tag Team match if he can find a partner.  The two former rivals have now formed the ideal relationship in pro wrestling, the Male-Male Tag Team couple.  As with most Love Boat episodes, everyone ends up happy and in loving relationships.

(Final Note: Before you question how anyone could possibly be so excited over this hokey program and its very short, very corny wrestling match, just remember that in 1987, there was not much wrestling content available.  We didn’t have 24/7 access to programming and couldn’t just click a link or order some more DVDs when itching for some red hot rasslin’ action.  So to be watching one of your shows and suddenly the Holy Grail falls right in your lap — a pro wrestling ring with some shirtless dudes rolling around — well, let’s just say nobody had to tell this young television viewer to get to bed once the show was over…)