CM Punk’s relationship with his manager, Paul Heyman, has been questionable lately. They’ve had some passionate exchanges in and out of the ring on Raw. During the the June 24th episode for example, Punk questioned whether Heyman was involved in the decision by another wrestler (Brock Lesnar) to attack him.
To ensure he is telling the truth, Punk gets right up close to him, face to face, their mouths just centimeters apart. He stares into Heyman’s eyes, into his very soul, to see if he is being honest. (I’d have a heart attack at that point…) Heyman denies any wrong-doing, so Punk forgives him and falls into his arms for a friendship hug.
Heyman says that he loves Punk — his best friend. He says his dream is to “walk down that aisle” with Punk some day. Of course, Heyman must be referring to fatherly love and walking down the aisle of the arena, not meaning that he wants to marry Punk by walking down the aisle of a church.
There are two possible meanings of his phrase “walk down that aisle.” If Heyman is using the more common meaning about getting married, that would be gay, and the heterosexuals would be uncomfortable and may not want to watch wrestling because it causes Gay Panic — so Heyman must mean that he dreams of walking down the aisle in the professional sense as simply his manager. Meanwhile they continue to hold each other, Punk’s chin resting on the older man’s shoulder, their cheeks pressed warmly together.
Eventually the show goes to commercials (and we have no idea how long their man-hug continued into the break.) Punk appears so vulnerable and emotionally needy as he presses against his manager — so hungry for that tender loving care. Those close-ups of his eyes as he holds onto his “best friend” will just break your heart.
Fast forward to the August 26th episode. Despite their loving embrace, the trust between wrestler and manager has continued to deteriorate. Heyman has a new client, talented young Curtis Axel. The bond between the manager and his new boy-toy has created feelings of jealousy for the former Favorite Son, CM Punk. So Punk agreed to wrestle his rival and the fans were asked to select a stipulation affecting Paul Heyman. Of course the vast majority (81%) opted to force Heyman to get in the ring with Punk if Punk wins. The implication is that Punk will be rewarded by being able to punish Heyman in revenge. But in pro wrestling, any action may be a swerve, any situation may have two meanings. Being together in the ring could mean that they will hug some more and declare their love again, and maybe THAT is what the fans actually voted to see…
Punk and Axel start to wrestle around and I’m struck by how similar they appear. They’re about the same size. Both have scraggly beards and short redneck haircuts. They’re wearing similar black trunks. It almost seems as if they are brothers, competing to be Daddy’s Favorite (with Heyman in the role of Daddy.) If Punk wins, he gets Big Daddy to himself.
Punk is the Good Guy tonight, so of course he is soon over-powered and humiliated. Axel chokes and body-slams Punk, jerks him around by the hair, forces Punk’s face into his crotch, all the nasty, sado-masochistic moves that make me feel dizzy and tingly. As Punk is bested by his younger rival (his brother figure), the father figure, Paul Heyman, is watching and loving it.
After taking a beating for most of the match, Punk knocks his opponent out cold and wins the match! He’s done it, he has whipped the younger, more talented upstart. And his reward will be Seven Minutes in Heaven, also known as getting some quality time in the ring with the bastard who double-crossed him, Paul Heyman.
To Be Continued…