“RIP HIS ARMS OFF!”

A reader sent me a link to this fun match between the Hardy Boys — brothers Matt and Jeff — and the cocky Heel team of Randy Orton and Edge.

What makes this match entertaining is the trash talk by the arrogant bastards, Edge and Orton.  They are feeling their oats after beating Ric Flair bloody earlier in the show (clapping his head between metal chairs.)

The clip opens with the Hardy Boys being verbally bullied by the two hard-ass Champions.  Standing with their faces about  2 centimeters apart, Edge reminds Jeff Hardy about how he used to beat him and his brother up when they were younger, then refers to Matt Hardy as an “over-rated piece of crap.”  Randy Orton and Matt Hardy soon join in the homo-erotic stare-down and now I can’t wait to see the Bad Guys physically punish these heroic Hardy Boys.

The climax of the match, which my reader wanted me to be sure to check out, occurs at 8:00 into the video.  Edge and Orton have taken control over Jeff Hardy, stomping and slamming him, dropping Flying Knees across his throat, you know the drill.  After a stiff Drop-Kick to Jeff’s face, Edge surf-boards both his arms, nearly yanking them out of the socket.  Watching from their corner (with one boot propped up on the bottom rope — I fuckin LOVE that!), Orton shouts the immortal line:

“Rip his arms off!     RIIIIP ’em off!    RIP EM OFF!”

Hot verbal exchanges between fighters can add so much excitement to a bout and help to develop their personas — especially if the Heels threaten to break backs or rip arms off.  I’m surprised we don’t often hear any narrative by the wrestlers  — I’m surprised they don’t give each wrestler a microphone to pick up all the snarky talk.

There have been a few examples of hot trash talk previously on this Blog — but not nearly enough for my tastes.  There was the great Project Doughboy article about Sticks & Stones. There was the former manager of the Prime Time Players who shouted outrageous insults into his megaphone (until he said something inappropriate, which is really the whole point.)

Gay wrestling videos I have profiled by Spotland Scrappers and Rock Hard Wrestling included some arousing verbal exchanges — which therefore proves that rude, crude  comments must be a turn-on for many wrestling fans, or else the gay video producers wouldn’t bother including the naughty talk.

So wake up, pro wrestling federations everywhere, and encourage your wrestlers to get more outspoken.  Pay the wrestlers a bonus for every dickish, degrading insult they hurl.  Yes, it’s exciting to watch a wrestler dominate the competition, but it’s even hotter if he verbally flagellates them at the same time.