Project Doughboy: Rocking Spandex

I’ll admit, “rocks spandex” is a phrase that I’ve never had reason to use before. If I’ve seen the term, in passing, it was most likely on an entertainment website in reference to a female celebrity, something along the lines of: “Kim Kardashian rocked spandex last night on the red carpet.”

What brings the term to mind in reference to wrestling comes about through a message board entry I happened upon recently under the heading:

“Why are men so scared to rock spandex?”

A fellow identified as L. then wrote:

“I don’t get it.  I have a plethora of spandex for cycling, working out and recovery (aka compression gear) the stuff is great.  I have so many male friends that think it’s not macho. So my question is, what is then?“

In response, Adrian confesses to having worn spandex, but underneath his uniforms. “I don’t feel comfortable just wearing spandex to the gym like some guys…and some of those guys shouldn’t be wearing it anyways. Guys shouldn’t have muffin tops!”

L. writes back: “What’s a muffin top? I wear tank tops.”

“LOL!” comes the response from Adrian; “You usually see it on girls, even though I have seen it on guys, where their pants are really tight and makes their belly flab spill over their waistband, resembling a muffin top.”

Christy pipes in: “I’m thankful most men don’t ‘rock’ the spandex.” Rebecca adds: “Guys who ‘rock’ leave less to the imagination *wink*”

L., who started this message thread (and seems a bit sheltered) then responds: “Huh?  I don’t get it.” Christy clarifies: preferring men in spandex means you “like to look at guys’ junk.”

The stigma of men in tights, in particular, heavier set guys, continues today in popular culture with numerous blogs opining that big guys in spandex are nothing more than an eyesore.  Yet for some of us, growing up admiring the heavy-set jobbers in the weekly wrestling broadcasts, the big guys in tights were exactly whom we were hoping to catch a glimpse of.

One fellow who really made an impression on me was “Hollywood” Tommy Landell, who wrestled mainly for the North American Wrestling Alliance in the early 90’s. I first took note of this stocky, sandy-haired jobber in a couple of matches I picked up on a DVD compilation entitled “The Best of Wrestling Slams.“

The highlight of that disc for me was the sight of Landell, in body-hugging spandex, hoisted over the shoulder of one of the American Bulldogs.

In seeking out additional matches featuring Landell, I came across a review of this very same DVD that complained: “Why does “Hollywood” Tommy Landell get more screen time than anyone else on this tape?” But me, I wasn’t complaining—at last, a Doughboy was getting his due with the close-ups and action shots that jobbers are usually deprived of!

What always struck me as “the elephant in the room” within the machismo realm of pro wrestling in the early 90’s is the tacit acceptance of “men in tights” arriving on the scene in revealing gear that, to this day, gives certain people pause, some twenty-five years later.

Perhaps someone in charge reasoned that the more fabric we offer to these heavier-set guys to cover up their flesh, the better, never taking into account the “second skin” effect of tights and how spandex on larger dudes can appear even more revealing that a pair of trunks.

Take, for instance, Landell’s signature blue, white and lavender tights and how they leave very little of his lower-body anatomy to the imagination.

Even when Landell opts for more conservative black with lime green tights, the spandex still shows off every curve and crevice of his beefy form. Adrian, from the message board above, might point disapprovingly to Landell’s “muffin top,” which is in prominent view.  Christy might complain that the guy has no shame, walking around with his “junk” on display.  But Doughboy watchers, we relish each and every one of these things.

Add to that Landell’s cocky, bad-ass attitude; it’s as though the guy is making a concerted effort to win the title of the jobber that audiences most love to hate.

He’s a consummate cheater, trying to persuade the ref that his opponent has been pulling his hair or his tights—-and he’s always ready to rush to the safety of the ropes when he finds himself in a tight spot in the bout. Landell hooks his leg over the bottom rope as if to say to his opponent: “Can’t bother me…I’m safe here!“

Or he retreats to the edge of the ring, a leg on either side of the ropes, the middle rope riding his ass-crack and rubbing against his ball-sack.

The collective disdain and ill-will that Landell builds up on the part of the audience simply revs up the erotic charge we feel when the hero goes in for the final pin and the Doughboy is doled out his overdue comeuppance.

No doubt about it, Tommy Landell definitely has my attention and admiration.  It doesn’t surprise me, though, to come across this comment, posted alongside a YouTube clip, expressing a contrary point of view: “I really enjoy watching a real man like Flemming feeling great beating on a wimpy jobber like Landell, especially when you can tell it’s making him feel great between his legs!”

(Here’s a link to that bout between Flemming and Landell: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfkXJGUDo5E).

Just as Adrian from the message thread is turned off by a guy’s soft belly and Christy is repelled by his “junk,” I realize that a lot of people just don’t get the appeal of Doughboys. I recognize that when I pledge my partiality for a “wimpy” jobber like Landell, over the traditionally macho Flemming, that I’m bound to remain very much in the minority. So be it.

But in regard to the term “real man” and to whom it applies, all I need to do is take a glimpse in the ring as Landell unabashedly “rocks” spandex, muffin top, bulging junk, round rump and all, and there’s little doubt that what I’m viewing is most definitely real!