Did you ever go on a trip or a vacation for a week or so, and you had no way to enjoy pro wrestling during your travels? Meanwhile, your DVR was faithfully doing its job, recording hours of new episodes for you to review when you returned home.
When you got back home, did you immediately rush to turn on the TV to see what surprises are waiting for you? The mail can wait, the laundry can wait, the cat can cool his heels at the kennel — you’re jones-ing for a marathon session of pro wrestling binge viewing.
This happened to me recently when I was away from the homestead and unable to keep up with the latest wrestling shows.
One of the matches my faithful DVR had captured while I was away was this gorgeous battle between the Animal Batista, now sporting flamboyant, tight red gear, and Dolph Ziggler in his trademark leather boy shorts with the pink zipper up the crotch. This was one of the first bouts on the May 16th episode of WWE Smackdown.
In my experience, after a long period of abstinence from watching wrestling, the action is that much more exciting, the gear more eye-catching, the physiques more breath-taking when you break your fast. It would seem absence truly does make the heart grow fonder, because I was feeling extremely fond of Batista as he roared like an ape whiplashing his opponent all over hell, and of pretty-boy Ziggler as he sold his agony and humiliation with enthusiasm. He is so fucking good as the limp, pathetic, moppy haired Baby-in-Peril!
It’s like if you don’t have ice cream for a long time, then you let some melt on your tongue and experience that buzz that vibrates up the back of your throat, and you kind of shiver in pleasure and think: “Wow, I forgot how good this stuff is!” I was having all kinds of dizzying feelings as the sadistic brute had his way with the handsome blond, pulling his hair, groping all over his bare flesh and slippery vinyl trunks. Was anyone else noticing how sexy and homo-erotic this match seemed, or was I just thirsty after a week in the dessert?
It seems Ziggler has been Tweeting insults about Batista — that the Animal is not “evolved.” He made similar degrading remarks in an interview earlier in the episode.
The Show Off is just asking to be punished the way he has been bad-mouthing the Animal. Schwinggg!
I suppose the theme of this match is that weaker need to learn humility and respect for the More Powerful — to watch what they say (and tweet). Also, we see that Alpha Males can do whatever they want to subservient men, can put their hands all over the Beta Male’s body.
I am happy to see big, bad Batista return to the WWE — if for no other purpose than to brutalize all the smooth young pretty-boys like cocky Ziggler. Batista seems older, harder and more twisted — more vicious and manly than when we last saw him in the ring. And Ziggler — what more can I say in praise of Ziggler!? On his tombstone, they should write: “I have suffered — beautifully.”
