Back Where They Belong

So did you catch Summer Slam 2014 on the WWE Network?  I really enjoyed several of the matches — they definitely gave me my $9.99 worth this month.  The Miz against Dolph Ziggler really got my juices flowing right from the beginning, thanks in part to the tight little black leather trunks on The Miz.

The Miz had been portraying a heroic Good Guy for a while — back when they were hyping his starring role in The Marine 3 or The Marine 8 or whatever they’re on right now.  That press junket must be over, because he is back to being the ultimate smarmy, arrogant sunovabitch, which is what works BEST for The Miz.  They’ve dressed him in all black gear, even wrapping some extra long black tape around his wrists and forearms to emphasize the blackness of his soul (which also makes him appear Fierce and Bad Ass).

Acting like a big Hollywood Diva, The Miz tells his opponents they are forbidden from touching his “Money Maker” — his pretty face — which of course they immediately attack to his utter horror and outrage.

And of course, the Golden Boy Dolph Ziggler is always stunning as the Heroic (and sexually attractive) Good Guy — selling his pain and presenting his body and crotch to us like an already-nearly- unwrapped birthday gift in his shiny silver zipper shorts.

Just look at what Ziggler does here, collapsing against the middle rope like he no longer has the strength to stand, his arms draped over the ropes beautifully like wet laundry.

He presses his cheek on the rope, then turns his face to give us a better view of his anguished eyes, his open mouth, his sexy beard stubble.  His wavy golden hair spills off his head and drapes over the rope as perspiration glistens on his troubled brow.  This is not just wrestling — this is a performance worthy of an award.  The camera man plays along, zooming right in as Ziggler chews the scenery and I scramble for the remote control so I can hit “Pause” ASAP.

And then The Miz really earns my $9.99 WWE Network subscription fee for the month by applying his patented Figure Four Leglock, really grinding his hips and bearing down as Dolph does what he does best.

Man I just love the Figure Four, especially when the dude applying it acts as if he’s fucking the hell out of the other dude’s leg.   WHOOOOOO!!!!

This is just the first match into Summer Slam and I already need a cigarette.  Another great match from this show — the last event of the evening — was the utter destruction of John Cena by the beast, Brock Lesnar.

I was actually planning to write about Lesnar squashing Cena on this blog, but then one of my readers told me he has now started blogging — a new wrestling blog called “Mascular Men“.  Very nice — we need some new voices in the “Wrestling Is Hot” conversation!   And one of his very first articles was, in fact, John Cena brutalized by Brock Lesnar.  Nice!

This blogger can write some hot descriptions in my opinion.  Thanks to his graphic descriptions of the action in the ring, I really enjoy getting inside his head and understanding what he loves about pro wrestling — that’s HOT! (No wonder you people love this blog so much!)

So please check out the Mascular Men blog and leave the author some feedback.  He needs some encouragement if he’s going to stick to this Blogging thing…

Ziggler eventually escapes the torture of the Figure Four Leglock and delivers some offense of his own.  Then both men are so exhausted, they lay in a pile together on the floor.

Both men try and fail their deadly finishing moves a few times, then Ziggler proves his potency by delivering his “Famouser” — dropping The Miz on the back of his head to win the match.

So both men are back where they belong now — the Universe is back in order.

Ziggler is no longer jobbing like the helpless bitch he has been for several months.

The Miz is back in his proper role as the Bad Boy We Love To Hate (Or Just Love), making his creepy faces while telling us how gorgeous and desirable he is as a Big Hollywood Star.