Rule Referendum Revisited, 1 of 2

An article I posted a few weeks ago asked my loyal readers what sections in the pro wrestling rulebook they would revise to make the sport even more exciting and homo-erotic than it already is.

I received several good suggestions, such as making it illegal for the jobber to win a match (isn’t that already a rule??)   Another commenter suggested they legalize the dreaded “Check the Oil” move where a wrestler jams his thumb up wherever it will fit in his opponent’s body…

I think my favorite suggestion for updating (and sexualizing) the rules was in an e-mail I received that suggested we legalize the old Ball Buster.  Just make it legal to kick, knee, elbow, squeeze, twist, bite, or headbutt an opponent’s family jewels.

Here is how my reader described his appreciation for this most devastating and emasculating maneuver (which is seen fairly often in the ring already, despite its illegal status):

“I will put my vote behind one you mentioned in your entry: ballbusting!  I can’t think of many sights hotter than a handsome muscle stud in a pair of brightly-colored, tight-ass trunks completely succumbing to a simple shot to the groin, watching him crumple to his knees, immediately made helpless in spite of his powerful physique.”

“It’s a known fact to any wrestling fan that a well-placed kick or a stiff forearm to an opponent’s crotch will get a wrestler disqualified immediately by the ref.

There are a few common ways to legally wreck a guy’s nuts in a wrestling match, like an inverted atomic drop or making him straddle the turnbuckle, but the straight up crotchclaw is one I hardly ever see.  Is this seriously legal?!?!”

I agree with my loyal reader that the devastating effectiveness of a good nut-shot, the sudden, utter weakening and sissification of the erstwhile muscle-daddy into a submissive, fetal-positioned little bitch, can be intoxicating to witness.  So I agree with this suggestion (sorry, pro wrestlers everywhere) — let’s legalize the nutcracker!

And the male body seems to be designed and built to be ball-busted.  A man’s legs form an inverted “V” which terminates at the location of his most vulnerable area.  The thighs guide any projectile directly into a man’s crotch, just like the angled sides of the corner pocket on a pool table guide the ball into the hole.   So a man standing or laying down with his legs spread open is just begging to be crotched.

Add to this the wearing of a tight, brightly colored pair of trunks (with big bulge proudly on display) and the wrestler might as well be wearing a sign that says:  “Bust my balls — I’m begging you to do it!  I don’t deserve to remain a cocky, confident male.”