Rode Hard and Put Away Wet

Fans of Bad News Barrett were pleased to see him return to action on the most recent episode of Monday Night Raw.  Barrett has been off for several months due to injury, and he returned to the ring looking smaller, less bulky (in some respects), and more shredded.  Of course his ever-prominent bulge was on proud display as he climbed into the ring and flaunted his manhood.

Barrett was granted a title match against Dolph Ziggler, the reigning Inter-Continental Champ.  Of course, I was looking forward to a ton of incredible suffering  by Dolph followed by a last-second victory over Heel Barrett.  Surely they wouldn’t allow Dolph to lose his belt on a random Monday night, right?   Not against a man who just recuperated from a bad injury, right??

In fact, Ziggler easily out-wrestled Barrett and soon pinned him, which makes sense given that Barrett has been off recuperating and probably experiencing some “ring rust.”  However, Ziggler did not suffer nearly enough for my tastes — and his quick victory seemed to come just a bit too easily…

My urge to watch Ziggler suffer was soon satisfied when Barrett angrily attacked the Champ after the bell, stomping on him and then tossing him out of the ring.  Shit got violent as Barrett repeatedly dragged Ziggler up by his blond locks and whipped him into the ringside barrier, then the metal steps, then the ringpost.  He bounced poor Ziggler off every hard surface he could locate — sorry I didn’t find any good images of this violent attack to post here, it was really very well done.

After Ziggler was sufficiently stunned and injured (nursing his shoulder), the General Manager entered the arena to announce that the match would continue — this was actually a Best of Three Falls contest.   You sadistic bastard!   Um, that isn’t exactly fair — maybe you should have let poor Dolph know EARLIER that it was a three-falls match!!

So now poor Dolph must portray the out-smarted, out-wrestled ragdoll for two punishing pinfalls, utterly submissive as Big Dick Barrett proceeds to pummel him.  Dolph’s shoulder injury is emphasized to highlight Barrett’s power advantage.  There was, after all, more than enough suffering by Ziggler for my satisfaction!

Barrett uses a finishing move called The Wasteland.  He picks up his victim in a fireman’s carry, grabbing one wrist for control.  Then he lifts and slams the dude forward over his head and on to the canvas.   Ziggler, of course, sells his pain beautifully.  To spice this move up a bit, I am changing the name of The Wasteland to the Big Dick Breaker.

After Barrett won the Second Fall, the doctors explore whether Dolph can continue to fight.  Of course, he should not be competing if he is that injured, but of course our brave hero ignores the medics and insists on more wrestling.

I just don’t know if these photos are adequately portraying how violent and sexy and sadistic this beating appeared.  Barrett frequently snatched Ziggler by the hair, dragging the blond around like a caveman.  And Barrett’s huge kicks and forearms against Ziggler’s muscular bod were just brutal.   The match had me wondering what the poor pretty-boy did to deserve this…

(It seems the “Authority” — Triple H and Stephanie — were out of power but are now back in control.  They decided to bury anybody associated with John Cena, and because Baby-Face Ziggler was a friend and teammate of Cena’s, he had to experience the cruel wrath and retribution of the Authority.)

Oh DAMN, cocky Barrett wins with a stunning punch to the jaw followed by an easy roll-up and pin.  Poor Ziggler remains utterly dazed with a pathetic expression on his face — the camera zooming in to capture that gorgeous look of shocked helplessness.

Now he’s been cheated, physically punished, stripped of his title belt, and his masculine pride.

And later in the broadcast, the Authority ordered Ziggler and some of John Cena’s other friends to the ring.  They were all fired on the spot and ordered to get the hell out, leaving with their heads bowed and tails between their legs.  Now he lost his job too — poor guy.  What a terrible, degrading experience!

I am sorry to see Ziggler fired — he was sure fun to watch in the ring.  I can’t wait for his return as he somehow out-smarts the Authority and finds a way to get in the ring again.  I just hope his return is not too triumphant however.  After all, it is much more fun to watch guys like Ziggler losing rather than winning.