Double Stuff

I haven’t blogged about illegal Two-Against-One double-teaming in a while and I’m concerned that you may forget this is one of my favorite scenarios in pro wrestling.  (And by ‘favorite’, yes, I mean biggest turn-on.)  So here are some images I’ve collected over the past several months — I just can’t seem to resist downloading a good photo of two dudes punishing their isolated opponent.

For example, this Tag Team must think they’re hot shit based on those elaborate tights with all those swirls and fringes.   They use their hard bodies to break Little Red Jobbing Hood in his scarlet briefs and boots with this combined Vertical Sooplay and Flying Cross-Body Block.

Double-Teaming is always better (at least in my twisted little brain) when the dudes from the attacking Tag Team wear matching gear.  It just seems more coordinated, and therefore more effectively hurtful, and therefore more exciting when the two cheaters are properly color coordinated.

These two Bad Boys, for example, put the “Team” in Double-Team by wearing dark blue trunks and armbands with gold accents.  One partner applies a Surfboard to their helpless little jobber while the other kicks him right in the fucking face and I’m like, DAMN that looks both vicious AND beautiful!

Many wrestling fans object to Double-Team moves.  Well, I should say, many fans object to Double-Team moves inflicted by the Heels, but they look the other way or even cheer when the cheating is performed by Baby-Faces.  Here are the Guerrero Brothers for example — the Pretty-Brothers team of their day — immobilizing this poor helpless guy’s arm so they can try to break it.  YAY!!!

I am the opposite — I actually prefer the HEEL team breaking the rules and I object to Baby-Faces joining in the two-on-one action.  In my pro wrestling fantasies, the Baby-Faces are law-abiding and honest to a fault, never daring to disobey the Rules even if it causes their destruction.

There are many reasons to love the Young Bucks — their smirky arrogance, their tight pants (always shiny and fringey), their smooth matching physiques.  But perhaps the biggest reason to love the Bucks is their well-choreographed Double-Team moves like this Hold-Him Mule Kick to the face inflicted on a helpless Joey Ryan.

This animation is not a Double-Team move, so it doesn’t really belong in this gallery.  But oh well — I love the violence and cruelty of a nice, stiff Young Buck SuperKick to the skull, so I posted it here anyways.  My Blog, my turn-ons.

Two flashy young Tag Team partners time their kicks perfectly to destroy their sitting duck opponent who collapses in defeat.  Who doesn’t love a Tag Team that utilizes showy, devastating moves like this?!

What the hell are these two underwear models doing to their opponent?   Double-Dick-Slapping him??  Using the power of their combined manhoods to weaken and subdue him by dry humping him repeatedly in the skull???

This odd (and homo-sexually suggestive) Double-Team move explicitly reveals many of the hidden messages and underlying tropes found in a pro wrestling performance and puts them right in our faces:  the Power of the Cock; May the Bigger Man (or Men) Win; Two Fuckers are Better Than One; Cheaters Often Prosper; etc.

Speaking of cock, this guy trapped in the Tree of Woe is about to be neutered by his own partner.  The partners on Team Fancy Pants work together to Body-Slam the partner’s face down into the victim’s vulnerable package.

This will emasculate Team Purple in several ways.  Firstly, the restrained man will obviously be ball-busted and rendered impotent.  Secondly, Team Purple will be pinned following this move, revealing their ineffectiveness and lack of masculine power.  Thirdly, by being placed in a homo-sexual position (one dude’s face buried in the other dude’s junk), Team Purple will be exposed to the audience’s homo-phobic ridicule and catcalling.  Team Fancy Pants hereby inspires the audience to Gay Bash.

And if you think I’m obsessed with Two-on-One action, you should see how much I love Three-on-Ones!  Check out these three brutes working together to make Mince Meat out of some helpless beefcake.

But this gallery is already getting long enough (and I’m gonna be late for work again!) so we can save the Triple Stuff gallery for another day…