Tights Appreciation Society

When posting images of wrestlers in their gear, I confess that I am guilty of discrimination.  I usually only focus on dudes in their underwear — the skimpier their trunks, the better.

In the interest of fairness and inclusion, today we will look at the long, stretchy, flamboyantly bright and colorful tights that many wrestlers seem to favor.  After all, I don’t want to be accused of Trunk-ism (or even Tights-o-phobia.)

Eddie Gilbert, for example, loved to rock the long spandex, which made his legs look amazing and gave him more square footage to display fire symbols to emphasize his “Hot Stuff” gimmick.

Wearing long tights to cover ones legs seems to draw our eyes even more to the naked torso — the chest muscles, nipples, bulging biceps and abdomen.  So maybe the reason some wrestlers seem to favor tights over trunks is that they’re particularly proud of their upper bodies.

Some of you who are picky about wrestlers’ bodies may be thinking: This tag team is not that spectacular.  Their chests and arms are not even super swole.  Do they even lift?

And if these two dudes were walking down the street in t-shirts and jeans, I might agree that there isn’t much to gawk at.  But dress them in classic pro wrestling gear — spandex tights from hip to ankle with a contrasting pair of skimpy trunks on top, and I am swooning — especially if both of their outfits match!  The way to my heart is through your gear.

A blog called “WrestlingFashion” recently posted a gallery in honor of Rick Rude and his fantastic array of sexually suggestive tights.

To humiliate and emasculate his opponents, Rude would often have their faces (or their wives’ faces) airbrushed on his tights, with their mouth right near his bulge.  Here is how the blogger from “WrestlingFashion” described it:

“Rude would often wear his opponents visage to the ring for crucial matches. Presumably, a man’s soul dies when he sees his likeness grinding and gyrating atop him.“

Below, the Junk Yard Dog was doubly degraded by having his smiling mouth painted both on Rude’s frontside and backside.

One wrestling lover I chat with who prefers wrestlers to wear tights (weirdo!) once told me that tights make it easier to imagine the wrestler naked.  There is no break in color from his waistline to his legs — no end to the fabric at the point where his hips meld into his upper thighs.  You can still see every nook and cranny in that skin-tight spandex, yet there is no visual cue that he’s wearing anything over his groin.  He looks very free.  Ironically, the wrestler’s legs are MORE covered, but in solid-color tights, he seems to be LESS covered.

For once, a wrestling fan was able to explain to me WHY he liked a certain aspect of wrestling (rather than “I don’t know — it looks hot“)  so I definitely appreciate his full disclosure.  And I see his point — he helped me to learn to love tights more than I ever did in my younger days.