Zack & Slater

We haven’t seen Zack Ryder on any WWE shows in a while, so it was nice to see him back in the ring on the 4/17/15 episode of WWE Superstars.  Damn, he is looking swole — what a fantastic body on this stud!

You can check this match out on WWE Network or the free Wrestling-Network.net website.

Zack Ryder, man.  I dig his hair, I dig his face, I dig his tan, oiled-up torso.  Is that sounding too gay?  Even his fancy colorful trunks do it for me.

And he wrestles in a manner that gives the viewer a hard-on, you’ll see what I mean below.  Please WWE promoters — give us Zack in the ring a lot more often!

Zack is wrestling against Heath Slater who we see in his usual long tights, suffering here in a nice Flex-The-Bicep Armbar by Zack.

Both of these men are basically Has-Beens, or maybe Never-Were’s.  Both have been pushed gently in the past, or not really.  Both, I’m sure, are trying to show that they deserve to be back on top and in the spotlight, so we get the sense that the winner of this match will be taken more seriously from now on and move up in the ranks.

Usually these guys are used as jobbers, thrown in the ring against some monster they are ramming down our throats like Rusev.

So it’s nice to see them in a Jobber-vs-Jobber showdown that one of them (hopefully Zack) will actually get to win.

Check out Slater splitting Ryder’s legs apart while Ryder displays his bulge.  This happens a few times during this match — Zack is very well trained.

Early in the match, Ryder kicked Slater in the face and bloodied his lip.  The fiery red-head was none too happy about this and wants revenge on the pretty-boy. Here he delivers a Face-Kick as a receipt (Hey- you better not ugly up my Zack’s beautiful face!)

Usually I don’t really care too much who wins a wrestling match as long as the action is fun to watch.  In this case, I really want Zack to take back control and defeat Slater.  I’m not sure why this match is pulling on my heartstrings.  Maybe I feel that a victory would catapult Zack into more frequent appearances (Yay!) or maybe I just don’t like gingers.

Zack spreads them wide open and offers us a peek as Slater drags him into a kneeling Headlock.  This Zack Ryder never fails to entertain.

Check out his facial expression, cringing in pain and baring his teeth as Slater clamps on the pressure.

Slater doesn’t just hook Ryder’s leg, he makes love to it, embracing it in both arms and hugging it to his chest.  I would do that too if I ever got to wrestle against Ryder.

Zack busts out his finishing move to defeat Slater — a flying Leg Lariat that he calls the “Rough Ryder.”  I wonder if the name of that move is meant to have a sexual meaning (like so many things in pro wrestling), as if he’s going to ride rough on his opponent later in the locker room.  His hand on Slater’s ass during the pinfall adds to this implication.

There is a brand of condom named “Rough Rider” which has rubber studs on the shaft for greater friction.  Maybe Zack named his finisher after his preferred brand.

Let’s hope this victory was a sign of good things to come for the always-smiling Zack Ryder and we get to enjoy much more of him in the ring soon.  After all, he didn’t get his body all jacked up and powerful looking just to sit around the house.