Modern-Day Robin Hood

This classic Brit-Pro video from 1993 opens with an interview by Mad Angus McGregor, the manager of the big slab of beef in the leather costume.

Angus describes how his powerful gladiator, Psycho Spartacus, is going to use his “killer instinct” to “pluck away” at the “little sparrow” — his opponent Young Hawk.

The hero of this story, Young Hawk, is gorgeous of course.  The commentators really sell his honesty and kind-heartedness, describing how he often gives his winning purses to charity, much like his ancestor, Robin Hood.   I don’t know whether to swoon or to vomit.

Here he takes the time to reach into his belt-pouch to give small tokens of appreciation to his adoring fans.  He even kisses the ladies at ringside, right on the lips.   I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a Baby-Facier Baby-Face in the wrestling ring — this is gonna be good.

The leather-clad gladiator ignores the fans who reach out to him for a high-five.  These costumes are just so campy and queer, like an old episode of Batman — but I can’t help it, I love it.  If I had seen this match as a youngster, I would be totally addicted to pro wrestling now.  (Oh yeah,  I already am!)

There isn’t much “shine” for the Baby-Face at the beginning of the match.  Spartacus simply attacks Young Hawk (is his first name really “Young” or are they just trying to emphasize his purity and vulnerability?)  before the bell and proceeds to manhandle him.

The commentators verbally stroke the viewers by repeatedly mentioning how hopelessly out-matched and helpless Young Hawk is against this BEAST.  The captions quoted under the images are actual one-liners uttered by the announcers to rile us up.

In Brit-Pro wrestling, being Irish-Whipped into the corner turnbuckles is called a “Posting.”  They use this move frequently, and it seems to be much more devastating in the UK than in the USA.  Maybe their turnbuckle pads are made out of concrete or something.

Here Young Hawk absolutely wilts and falls at his opponent’s feet after his spine crashes into the corner pads.

The presentation of the weakened, vulnerable hero is just so perfect here as Hawk rolls around suffering.  He is a relative of Robin Hood for heavens sake, how could we NOT love him?!  And check out his green Robin Hood tights tucked into his leather boots — beautiful!

The commentators also describe Spartacus as the classic pro wrestling sadist, implying he “enjoys” (or gets off on) punishing other men.  His kinky leather costume, complete with leather-studded armband, seems to support their theory.

The moves are actually not that rough or dangerous by today’s standards — some “postings,” some clumsy Clotheslines, some Atomic Drops, some bread-and-butter Body-Slams.  But the way Young Hawk sells his agony, and the way the commentators verbally climax over the power of these moves, make it look and feel like Hawk is being brutalized and tortured in the ring.  It’s all in the salesmanship.

This Pile Driver (which they call a “Knee Drop” in England) is pretty sweet.  With his victim draped over his shoulder, Spartacus jumps up and down several times as if he’s on a diving board trying to maximize the height of his leap.   It has a seedy, salacious look given the positioning of Young Hawk’s face in his opponent’s crotch.  Then Hawk is finished off by the deadly “Knee Drop.”

So some of you fans of the modern Crash and Burn style of wrestling may not be blown away by the athleticism on display in this video, and some of you may think their costumes are goofy or predictable.

But it’s the ring psychology of the match that I enjoyed — the display of vulnerability by the beloved young Robin Hood and the ruthless aggression of the Gladiator.  And their fit bodies are sure fun to watch in those sexy, flamboyant Halloween costumes.  So I give it a thumbs up.