Chairorism

Back on 11/26/13, I wrote an article called “When Chairs Attack” which described wrestlers using chairs as brutal weapons in the ring (not so much to strike their opponents, but to entangle or strangle.)

Well, my article seems to have sparked an epidemic of Chair Cruelty on the Indy wrestling scene.  I am suddenly finding numerous creative uses of the chair to hurt an opponent (see below).  I am wondering if this is a big coincidence, or if my article has inspired a new generation of radical Chairorists.

Sure, the Heel could simply choke his opponent with his hand, or a knee, or a piece of rope, but somehow the strangulation seems more vicious when a chair is involved.  The interaction of cold steel against a soft warm body makes the image seem more brutal and sadistic.  Everyone knows those steel chairs are solid and stiff — definitely not the sort of object you want pressed into your Adam’s Apple.

For example, Drew Gulak uses the crossbar at the base of the chair to compress his opponent’s windpipe.  Gulak’s big shiny leather boot just adds to the sadistic imagery.  Gulak should consider pressing that boot into the chair for added choke-pressure as seen in the next images:

Wrestling is supposed to be a sport, right?   It is meant to be a fair athletic competition to determine which man has more strength and skill.  Yet when a cheater brings a metal chair into the ring to gain the advantage and grinds it into the other dude’s neck, the spirit of competition is thrown out the window.  When he presses his boot on the chair to really amp up the Breath Control, we understand that he doesn’t want to simply defeat the opponent — but wants to destroy and own him.

We’re suddenly aware that this ain’t the kind of wrestling they did in the high school gym.  We have now crossed over into the realm of sadism, snuff fantasy, and breath control — the kinky underground stuff that belongs in the bedroom or basement, not the wrestling ring.  And this naughtiness can be intoxicating.

I’ve mentioned this before, but the first time I saw the chair driven into a neck was when Roddy Piper brutalized  Jimmy Snuka by ramming a folded chair into his upper vertebrae in an apparent effort to paralyze him.  That brief torture scene burned itself into my brain and has forever marked me as Chair Fanatic (or perhaps Fetishist is the right word).

In the background, we see two young wrestling fans at ringside, leaning in to watch a sadistic Chair-Choke scene unfold in the ring.  I can recognize that mixed expression of horror, guilty pleasure and fascination on their faces, and I’ll bet they’re both being marked as life-long Chair Fetishists at this moment.

Any good pro wrestling match should place the Hero in a helpless position, overwhelmed by the odds and utterly out-matched.  The inclusion of a steel chair adds to the unfairness and hopelessness of his situation.

Check out this brute, slamming his knee down to crush the skull of the pretty-boy in pink pants.  Awesome usage of the chair as torture device!

And last but not least, my personal favorite, the Heel sitting on the chair with the crossbeam pressed into his victim’s throat.  His body weight and gravity do all the work to destroy the helpless chump under the chair.  All that the cruel fucker needs to do is just sit there calmly crushing the breathless victim under him.

This move expresses the ultimate power imbalance — the dominant male relaxed and comfortable, while the weaker man is in agony under his weight.  The chair amplifies the sense of ultimate power and ultimate helplessness.   If the purpose of pro wrestling is to play around with power imbalances, and if an imbalance of power between two men is a turn-on, then this move certainly knocks it out of the park.