“I’m gonna break his ribs”

The West Coast Wrestling Connection (WCWC) continues to serve up entertaining and arousing wrestling each week on their YouTube channel.  Here is a match from episode #49 which was posted back on May 4, 2015.

Dan Joseph with those beautiful aqua and pink tights issued an “Open Challenge” to any man who wanted to wrestle him.  This is a foolish show of bravado (and kind of slutty) that often backfires on a cocky wrestler who dared to invite anybody and everybody to get in the ring with him.

The curtains open and out walks a powerful slab of beef known as Kevin Kross.  He is described as “young, hungry, and mean.”  The bell rings and the announcers verbally masturbate over Kross and his incredible strength: “He has established himself as a REAL powerhouse.”  “WOW!  Kevin Kross has so much size and strength over Dan Joseph!”

As soon as the bell rings, Kross applies a Rear Waistlock, squeezing the long-haired Face in his embrace.  “Dan in the grip of a boa constrictor.  Good luck getting out of this.  You’ll get out when Kevin Kross says you can get out!”

If you get off on Bearhugging, you will definitely want to check out this match.

Both men sell the relentless Reverse Bearhug, with Kross gritting his teeth, pure animal rage (or ecstasy) in his eyes, and helpless Joseph tossing his long hair around and pleading: “No, no, no!”  We’re told that Kross has “total control” over Joseph — “over when and how deeply Dan Joseph can breathe.”  I am digging this sexy commentary!

Joseph manages to escape the intrepid Bearhugging a couple of times in the match.  But each time, he suffers a devastating attack like this awesome Over-the-Knee Backbreaker by Kross, then it’s right back to the hugging.

Here is how the silver-tongued announcer describes this maneuver in a growling voice:  “Kevin Kross so powerful, just PULLS Dan Joseph away from the rope and DRAPES him across his knee!”  (Are you trying to seduce me with all that dirty talk?!)Again Kross slaps on a Rear Waistlock as Joseph groans in agony.  We clearly hear Kross proclaim to the referee: “I’m gonna break his ribs!”  He threatens to injure Joseph a few times during the match.  Then I hear someone in the audience shout: “Hurt him, Kross!”  Why is everybody talking about harming poor, long-haired Dan Joseph?  It seems humiliating for him to be right there listening to everyone’s threats.

Dan Joseph is clearly channeling his Inner Jobber with his flashy tights and pathetic suffering, but he brings a certain douche-bag quality to the role.  Before the match, Joseph wore a shredded up pink shirt (80’s style) and flamboyant sunglasses with white frames, shouting “Whoo!  Whoo!” to the audience like a chode.

It feels as if his queer costume and long hair is making a mockery of the classic Good Guys who won our hearts in traditional pro wrestling. His open challenge, his assumption that he can out-wrestle anybody in the locker room, was also a sign of d-bag-ness.  His antics ensure that we will all enjoy seeing him beaten down and suffering.

As Kross easily tosses his Squeeze Toy around, the commentators continue their verbal worship: “Kevin Kross establishing his dominance…”   “My goodness, Kevin Cross — like an anaconda grip!”  “Kross is trying to show how dominant he is.”  “It really is like a cat toying with its prey.”  “He continues to just grind away at Dan Joseph.”

“Joseph has been thus far out-classed, out-powered, out-muscled, out-wrestled by Kross.”

In the end, Kross applies a German Suplex into a pinning position, both men having their shoulders on the mat.

Joseph is able to twist his shoulder off the mat, so when the ref counts to three, technically Kross is the one pinned despite his dominance, and Joseph is the lucky winner.  So instead of gaining control over Kross, Joseph is seen winning by a bullshit finish.

The audience’s feelings are complicated: the guy we are supposed to cheer for (but secretly despise) has won, so we should feel happy, but truly we would prefer to have seen Joseph abused and beaten.   This ending takes nothing away from Kross as a bad-ass killer, and Joseph remains an easily-dominated jobber in the minds of the fans.