In my younger days, I always questioned the sanity of the little rookies like Keith Larson, waiting patiently in the ring while some big killer like Greg Valentine strutted down the aisle to deliver the inevitable smack-down. Couldn’t Larson see that Valentine is much thicker and twice as strong? Didn’t this foolish rookie know about The Hammer’s sadistic nature, the way he had broken so many bones on so many different opponents?? Did the jobber actually think he stood a chance of winning against this Unstoppable Force??? I felt like screaming: “Run away, you stupid scrub! Don’t you know he is going to hurt or kill you?!” But maybe, I figured, he needed the job and money, so he willingly climbed in the ring and took his beating when ordered to do so by the bosses.
The bell would ring and the jobber would slap an Armbar on the veteran, which only angered the stronger man and inspired his vicious streak. The rookie seemed to think he could win using a simple hold like an Armbar, which never resulted in a submission (you idiot!) The young jobber clearly needed to be taught a lesson: to learn to fight like a man!
The Heel wrestler would then gain the upper hand, usually with a dirty move like an Eye-Gouge or Pulling Hair. Then the lesson would begin.
The jobber would receive his due punishment, in the form of painful kicks, elbow-smashes, and whips to the hard turn-buckles. The lesson for Larson is that he is a jobber by nature, weak and helpless. He was born a Beta Male, lacking the strength, charisma, and physical presence of the Alpha Male. This is a vicious, dog-eat-dog sport, and you will suffer if you aren’t tough enough. It’s kill or be killed, and cute kids who try to secure a victory using an ineffective hold like an Armbar will be emasculated and destroyed. THAT is the lesson for Keith Larson.
But what is the lesson for us viewers? The way wrestling works, it encourages us to insert ourselves into each match. We all imagine ourselves in the ring, taking the place of one of the combatants.
A young wrestling fan, smaller and weaker than the big, grown-up men we see every day, will of course identify with the rookie, the Keith Larson. We learn to put ourselves in Larson’s shoes (or shiny red boots) because he is closer to us in age and relative size than big ugly Valentine.
And our lesson is that the world is a vicious, dog-eat-dog place. Plenty of other men — angry aggressive Alpha Males — are willing to fight dirty, to break the law, to do whatever it takes to get what they want in life. As jobbers like Keith Larson (who represents us), we may be doomed to a life of suffering, submission, and endless emasculation. Just as Keith Larson needs to make a living no matter how humiliating, so too will we grow up to take degrading jobs, endure the agony of long hours and potential injury at the workplace, and learn to do as we’re told by our bosses without fighting back. Our lesson is that there are two types of people in this world — the bad asses in charge, and all the submissive jobbers. And we need to decide how hard we want to fight and work not to become the latter. Our lesson is that, unless we man up, we are doomed to become a weak, disrespected jobber like Keith Larson, the limp pale whipping-boy in the red briefs and shiny boots.
