Joey Ryan has been uploading a bunch of videos lately to his YouTube channel. Some of his most entertaining matches have been a series of battles against this buff, well-oiled Baby-Face, Jessy Sorensen. (Mmmm, hurt him bad Joey!)
Jessy and Joey contrast against each other nicely in style and personality, which always makes for a great feud in pro wrestling. Sorensen is portrayed as serious, dedicated, and hard-working, having recovered from a nearly paralyzing neck injury to fight his way to the gold. His ballcap adds to his persona as a no-nonsense working man’s wrestler. Joey on the other hand is sleazy, flamboyant, less buff, more homo-erotic, and just wants to show off his dick and lick his lollipop instead of wrestle.
This recent match from Paragon Pro Wrestling is available on YouTube. In one of their prior matches, it seems Joey (ever the sleazy cheater) had snuck a pair of brass knuckles into the ring, which he used to knock Jessy the fuck out.
So now an angry Jessy wants to settle the score in a classic Coal Miner’s Glove match. This is where a loaded glove is suspended from a pole. Whoever can climb the ropes and reach the glove may use it as a weapon to punch his opponent into oblivion.
Being hit with Brass Knuckles is like being hit by a bus
Here is a clip that they show us to remind us of the prior bout when dirty Joey Ryan had to use the Foreign Object to win.
Poor Jessy always obeys the rules and worked so hard to overcome an injury, but Sleazy Joey has no respect, no masculine sense of fair play, and uses that dirty Foreign Object to obtain the victory. Kind of a turn-on if you think about it.
Coal Miner’s Glove matches have been a staple of pro wrestling feuds for over 50 years. In a CMG match, the glove is treated as the ultimate Weapon of Mass Destruction, the Big Tool of super fuck powers, ensuring masculine domination for whoever can reach it first.
So the drama of the match is built on the struggle for the glove, stretching to grab it while your opponent, in the nick of time, emasculates you by pulling you down by your waistband.
I recently figured out that Sorensen is now spelling his first name as “Jessy” instead of the more common “Jessie” or “Jesse.” Maybe “Jessy” is considered more appealing for his screaming young demographic of horny teens.
So the captions I wrote for these images still have the “ie” at the end of “Jessie” but I will try to remember to refer to him as “Jessy” when I write about how fun it is to watch him get beaten down by a hairy, sleazy, bulgey Joey Ryan.
Jessy made the mistake of taking the fight outside the ring which, of course, is like throwing Brer Rabbit into the briar patch for a devious cheater like Joey Ryan, who soon takes control.
Joey breaks Jessy's back.
For example, Joey sadistically slams the stud on the hard metal ramp that the wrestlers parade down on their way to the ring.
Given that Jessy had severely injured his neck early in his wrestling career, he seems extra vulnerable to any moves that target his spine. So this means that of course Sleazy Joey proceeds to target his spine. Most of Sorensen’s Heel opponents target his spine, and Jessy sells the fuck out of his pain every time. Part of me gets off on the cruelty of the situation while part of me is cringing and hoping cute Jessy is not in any real pain or danger of injury.
See what I mean about Jessie selling his spinal injury? Following that vicious Outside-the-Ring Body-Slam, he arches his hips up to ensure we understand clearly (and can savor the fact) that he is in tremendous spinal suffering.
PLEASE get up, Jessy! Before he grabs that nasty glove!
One of the best aspects of this match is Jessy repeatedly sprawled on the floor, dazed and paralyzed due to his spinal injury. Meanwhile, Joey is getting to his feet and making his way toward the all-powerful Coal Miner’s Glove, reaching for it, his fingertips just about to grasp it.
The dynamics of the match, the drama around who can get to that Big Punishing Glove first, require Jessy to play up his ragdoll nature. This inspires the audience to scream for him to wake up and stop Joey. So if you’re into seeing the broken hero down on the floor, cringing in shattered agony, then Jessy’s performance here is a Must See. The camera gets right in there too, lingering on his buff body and handsome face.
At last, thanks to his trademark drive and heroic perseverance, Jessy obtains the glove. Now he holds all the power and can destroy Joey Ryan, right?
Wrong. The universe is never fair to honest, hard-working hunks like Sorensen. At least, not the universe of pro wrestling beat-downs, humiliation, and unfair abuse.
The Coal Miner’s Glove had been presented as the biggest most powerful weapon in the universe. But then Joey flips the script by pulling out an even MORE powerful weapon — his trusty Brass Knuckles. It’s as if Jessy has a nice big one, but Joey’s is even stiffer and more pounding. After one right cross to the jaw, Jessie — I mean JESSY — is out cold.
Can this young man never catch a break? (Some of us hope not.) He finally obtains the glove only to be out-smarted once again by the devious snake in the grass, Joey Ryan. Awww, poor baby.
