This article continues my earlier review of 35 one-sided Squash Match videos recently posted to the “heel4you” YouTube channel.
They tell us this cruel Soviet wants to do THAT to our beloved American hero, Magnum TA!
13 Koloffs vs. Peters & Dawson (3:28, NWA 5/17/86) This was a typical Fear-the-Russians beat-down which were common during the Cold War. The dominance of the Russians makes us both fear and lust for them to own us.
In a display of Stockholm Syndrome, the two jobbers — one in trunks and one in a singlet — matched their wrestling gear to the color of the Koloff’s trademark red ass-hugging singlets. The commentator says in horny awe: “Look at Nikita! Look at that ANIMAL!” Best Foreign Invader gimmick.
"Only 3 people, his mother, his father, and his dog, care whether Randy Mulkey is out cold."
14. It is always a pleasure to watch thick, masculine Arn Anderson destroy some chump, but even better when that chump is the wimpiest of all jobbers — Randy Mulkey. (5:13, NWA 5/3/86). Arn is just cruel, pulling Mulkey’s blond hair, slapping his face, standing on his neck, busting his balls with a beautiful Atomic Drop at 4:04.
Something about Mulkey — maybe he was a masochist — made him want to suffer the most painful bumps and slams. His opponents always fucking killed him. Sellingest jobber.
Russkies don't care how bad they hurt us Americans!
15. Nikita Koloff destroys Randy Starr (3:16, NWA 5/26/91). Starr is a good looking jobber with his long red tights and flowing locks. He also has a big thick chest. I think Nikita also noticed and appreciated the jobber’s pecs judging from how he pinned the dude (basically pressing and groping that meaty chest with both hands.)
Koloff is a roided up beast though, absolutely dominating and raping our American beauty with hammering Forearm Smashes. Prettiest jobber.
Oh no! Are the Soviets going to win the Cold War??
16. What was it about the NWA federation in the 1980’s (or its sadistic fans) that favored so many unfair, totally one-sided Squashes?? A tubby jobber in green trunks named Mack Jeffers has the balls (or stupidity) to attack Koloff before the bell rings (3:52, NWA 11/2/85). The Russian Nightmare proceeds to punish the hapless fool, snapping his throat over the top rope, tossing his ass out of the ring and back, then cruelly beheading him with his patented Sickle. Either Nikita is truly hurting this jobber, or Jeffers deserves an Academy Award, because Nikita’s attacks appear devastating. Most authentic punishment.
"We're gonna break bones, we're gonna break furniture!"
17. Two wimpy blond boys, Ryan Wagner and Steve Atkinson, don’t belong in the same ring as the Midnight Express. (3:52, NWA 3/20/88). Atkinson is arguable the prettier of the two jobbers with his platinum blond hair, sexy silver tights, and heroic white boots, so the Bad Guys drag Atkinson outside the ring and shove him awkwardly into the podium to harm him!
The evil manager, Jim Cornette, is in rare form for this beat-down, pulling the blond weakling’s hair, spanking him with a tennis racket, and screaming insults in his face. Most humiliating acts of bullying.
Sullivan's body-stomp always looked especially painful.
18. Kevin Sullivan vs. Robbie Aumen (2:47, NWA 5/7/88). Can we handle another sadistic Sullivan squash scene? Fuck – I love thick, evil fireplug Sullivan! The deranged Heel is brutal as usual. Jobber-boy Robbie in his electric blue tights offering zero resistance.
Sullivan’s every move is meant to maximize the agony: he doesn’t just pick his boy up by the hair, he snatches him. His Double-Booted Belly Stomp seems even more painful when delivered out on the floor. And instead of just pinning the loser, he kneels on his chest like a Boss. Best Heel overall.
The earliest demonstration of the deadly Superfly Splash.
19. Superfly Snuka just demolishes Jeff Craney (4:17, WWF January 1982). In Snuka’s debut match, they sold him as a savage Heel — so the pale jobber in the black singlet had to be sacrificed.
After mostly kicking and punching Craney for four minutes, Snuka scales the ropes to splash the wimp. This is McMahon’s first sight of the Superfly Splash, and all he can say is: “Oh MY GOODness!” In those days, the Splash left the jobber broken and needing a stretcher. Worst jobber injury.
Roy had no idea that a house would fall on him today.
20. Hercules Ayala vs. Daniel Roy (3:05, Montreal International Wrestling, Oct. 1986). Hercules is a beefy 280-pound giant in a black singlet, and Roy is a pretty kid in red speedo with white accents. For those who get off on the Heel picking his victim up on the Two Count, Hercules does it three times.
The two commentators are horny for Hercules, describing him in the most colorful, worshipful terms like they’re trying to get each other off verbally. Most erotic commentary.
Over 600 pounds drive Crystal's face into the mat.
21. The Headshrinkers cannibalize Crystal & Greenberg (2:30, WWE 1994). The scrubs are “nattily attired” in striped singlets, Crystal’s in jobber yellow and Greenberg’s in jobber pink.
The barefoot savages don’t seem to understand that one of them is supposed to get out of the ring, I guess because they’re barefoot savages. Both just stay in there, helping to throw around the white meat baby-faces. The ref sure can’t stop these uncivilized beasts. Most blatant double-teaming.
Dirty White Boy flicks his tongue at us to make this pinning position seem even dirtier.
22. Tim Hall is forced to fight three big Heels in black gear. (2:29, CWA 8/19/89) Check out the sexy names of the three Heels in this triple tag team match: Dirty White Boy, Master of Pain, and Black Bart.
The video is edited to only show Tim Hall’s isolation and destruction. I used to do that too — edit my tag team videos to focus on my favorite jobber (makes it easier to fap). Best three-on-one mismatch/orgy.
Colt's flying Elbow Smashes are works of art!
23. I actually featured this hot match between Chris Colt and Peter Caparella (or whatever his name is) back in November. You can read about why I dig the raunchy style of 70’s wrasslin’ in that article.
I like to think that my article inspired heel4you to include this video among his 35 squash matches — that my descriptions of Colt’s sweet Elbow Smashes and Campabello’s total submissiveness aroused his interest. And now his 35 Squash Match collection has in turn aroused my interest as I enjoy these one-sided whuppings. I like to think that we wrestling lovers feed off each other’s fetishes and turn-ons.
To Be Continued…