I am continuing to enjoy my subscription to the NWA Classics streaming website, which posts a new, often rarely seen, wrestling video every day or two. One nice thing is that this website doesn’t shy away from showing us the violent, bloody, brutal (and therefore arousing) matches that were a staple back in the Golden Age but may not be politically correct by today’s standards.
Here is a Tag Team match posted 1/24/16 featuring these two blond beauties — the Fabulous Ones. Stan Lane is the cuter partner with his arm draped suggestively around his buddy’s shoulders. Steve Keirn is facing directly into the camera so we can get a good look at his hairy chest and well-defined abs. You could always count on the Fabs to amp up the homo-eroticism.
Adding the wedgie is just too damn cruel!
The Fabulous Ones are wrestling the Guerreros — Chavo and Hector — in matching no-nonsense black speedos. Their scrappy, punishing tactics are always a pleasure — this is gonna be a great match.
Speaking of homo-eroticism, Hector gets kinky early in the bout by yanking Lane’s trunks up the crack of his ass to then drive his head into the mat. Hector will pay for that bullshit later, don’t you worry.
Hoisting him extra high to really hurt him.
This match took place on 1/24/86 (almost exactly 30 years ago today) at the Sam Houston Coliseum in Texas. Most of the fans in the audience are of Latino descent, so the Guerrero Brothers are portraying the Baby Faces here.
I am more accustomed to the Fabulous Ones as the Good Guys, so its fun to see them as the racist, middle-finger-flippin, face-biting Hard Asses. I always enjoy the Fabs in their sexy animal-print trunks, so I’ll take them however I can get them: Heel or Face works for me.
What happens if you wander into the wrong corner.
If violence and brutality is a turn-on, then this match is pure porn. The Fabulous Ones go Dungeon Master on poor Chavo, targeting his head to bloody his face early in the bout. I lost count of how many times they Head-Butt the poor dude!
The crowd is hot, screaming for their heroic Guerreros to fight back. I’m sure the Mexican fans already had a boner for these blond-haired, entitled white Pretty-Boys. Seeing these two cheaters absolutely brutalize the innocent Guerrero Boys has viewers on the edges of their seats.
THAT would be a major foul in the NFL!
Oh I forgot to mention, this is a Mexican Death Match. That means pinfalls don’t result in victory — the match continues until one team is unable to keep fighting. That’s hot.
If you do get pinned, you’re allowed a 30-second rest until the bout resumes. But the Fabs of course ignore this rule and sneak up to kick the exhausted victim during his 30-second break, which makes the audience go ape-shit.
The Fabs can be nasty fuckers when they want to be.
Keirn grabs a chair at ringside and holds it up so Lane can spike Chavo’s face into it. That’s great stuff — they make Chavo look like such a hapless weakling in front of all his fellow Mexicans, unable to defend himself.
They are determined to concuss their opponent, repeatedly jarring his brains. The implication seems to be that the wily little Guererros’ greatest weapon is their brains — their ability to defeat bigger opponents by cleverly out-thinking them. So the Fabs are destroying that weapon, striking Chavo’s skull to lobotomize him.
After the Fabs beat down Chavo for a long time, they let Hector tag in and kick his ass too. Before we get into that, let’s pause for another homo-suggestive pose by the Fabs.
The blondies took a day off from rassling to enjoy the pool together. No long board shorts for these tan hotties — they only swim in the skimpiest of speedos. Check out Keirn opening his legs invitingly as his partner thrusts a knee suggestively in the direction of that open crotch.
OK let’s get back to Tag Team brutality:
Did Hector just plant a kiss on his pinned opponent’s cheek?
The Guerreros did have a few opportunities to take control for a hot minute and win some pinfalls (which don’t count anyway.) For example, check out Hector splashing chest-to-chest on one of the Fabs to pin him down.
Maybe it’s just my over-active imagination, but it almost looks like Hector leaned in to kiss the dude?!
Are they wrestling or humping?
Just as they did to Chavo, the Fabs target Hector’s brain too in order to disable his ability to think. Check out these repeated knees to his temple.
Soon Hector is busted open as well — both Mexicans injured and humiliated. Their bloodied faces symbolize their vulnerability and poverty — they are seen as disadvantaged in comparison to their clean-faced Fabulous opponents.
Aww, my aching back!
Recall that this match was identified as a “Mexican Death Match” — so one might expect the Mexicans to have the advantage. After all, they’re from the place where this sort of match apparently was invented, so they should have more experience than the Fabs.
Yet the Guerrero’s humiliation is enhanced by being beaten at their own game. They’re the Mexican team, yet they’re clearly losing this Mexican Death Match. The implication is that the Fabs are more fabulous at everything — even the Guerreros’ own signature style of match.
Paybacks are a bitch, right Hector?
You may recall Hector delivered a humiliating Wedgie Pile-Driver on Stan Lane early in this match. Well, Lane’s partner takes revenge on Hector with this beautiful Pay-Back Pile-Driver.
He holds his helpless opponent upside-down to highlight his weakness and lack of agency, bounces a couple times, then WHAM! I could watch that 10 times in a row (which I just sat here and did…)
Are weapons legal in a Mexican Death Match??
The action breaks down as both of the Fabulous Ones are busted open, and then Chavo is tossed out to the floor where he needs about 5 minutes to recover.
Now the Fabs have poor Hector all to themselves! Keirn holds down Hector’s legs while Lane whallops him repeatedly with a chair. The rules are kind of fuzzy at this point — but the Fabs make it clear that they don’t care too much about the rules.
A personal favorite of mine — they drive the top of the chair into Hector’s throat. Check out my Chairorism article from 5/26/15 if you want to see more examples of the chair-to-neck assault.
The Fabs then run back to the locker room and are counted out — so the Guererros win by default. Rather than actually pinning the Fabs in the center of the ring fair and square, Chavo and Hector can only win by a bitchy rule violation. Thus the Fabulous Ones emasculate them one last time and deny them their glory.
How are you able to make the gifs of the matches? Do you have any special software to do it?
Yes, I downloaded a program called GifGrabber — I forget if it was free or maybe it cost $15 or $20. I have a Mac — not sure if there is a Windows version.
Anyway, the way GifGrabber works is you drag this green box anywhere on your screen (and you can re-size it as big or small as you like.) When you click the “Start Capture” button above the green box, the software will “record” a little GIF video file of whatever is contained in the box, so you can create animations from YouTube videos, your MPEG player, really any video that plays on screen. Once you click “Stop”, the file pops up in a preview window and you can shrink the dimensions to lower the file size, trim some frames off the beginning or the end, and save it as a GIF file.
It takes some practice until you get the feel for how large or long your videos can be — keep them small and short or they’ll never upload or download. It’s very user-friendly software though — I figured it out in like a half hour and I ain’t that bright with this technology stuff.