So I was flipping channels the other day and saw that a recently released wrestling film — The Masked Saint — was available On Demand for like $6.
I recalled that my fellow blogger — Neverland — had written a fantastic review of the film based on the trailer, and the images he posted had me very interested. For example, this tense stare-down between Hero in White and Big Sexy Fucker in Leather.
So I decided to watch the flick and blog about the wrestling scenes. I am not going to remark about the cheesy dialogue, acting quality, heavy-handed Christian propaganda, preachiness, hetero-normative morality, or cloying sweetness of the script. My focus will be on the handful of wrestling scenes only (which I know a thing or two about) and the delicious homo-erotic aroma I whiffed during these scenes, which Neverland wisely predicted in his preview even without his needing to watch the actual film!
The film opens with our hero Chris as a boy, watching wrestling to learn how to defeat a schoolyard bully. Next he is all grown up and a wrestler himself, wearing a gorgeous satin robe and flirting backstage with a fellow Baby Face wrestler, the “Ice Man”.
Ice Man, is presented as a flamboyant twink in eye make-up and baby blue speedo. He perhaps represents an alternative temptation for our saintly protagonist.
They discuss a big, buff new Heel pumping iron in the background: the huge, long-haired Reaper. We learn that our handsome hero will retire from wrestling after tonight’s match and become a church pastor. The obligatory slimy promoter — Roddy Piper in his swan song performance — then tells Chris he must lose his farewell match tonight against the debuting Reaper. (Meanwhile The Saint’s robe falls open invitingly, and I’m thinking: there IS a God!)
Cut to the ring, and Chris — aka The Saint — has donned a white mask, showing off his lean torso as The Reaper enters wearing creepy Crow-style face paint.
This is supposed to be a holy, churchy movie, right? So why am I getting excited here? Am I a sinner?
Soon the sexy Leatherman overpowers our hero, In the tradition of all great pro wrestling movies, the vicious Bad Guy is fighting for real!
This film has been criticized for its cliches and predictable one-liners, but this hokey language actually works well during the wrestling scenes. The hyped announcer throws out trigger phrases like: “That was BRUTAL” or “The Champ is strugglin‘!” which is like dirty talk to a pro wrestling lover. 
OH YEAH! That looked like a world of hurt for The Saint!
All of today’s captions are actual quotes from the movie, so you can see how the dialog adds to the drama and excitement over the Saint’s persecution.
The film also uses slow and fast motion to beautify the violence, such as the Reaper floating gracefully over our ball-busted hero, his knee’s stiff impact repeated quick and close-up to add to agony. Dramatic music and extra-loud crunching and thumping noises further tweak our hot buttons. THIS is why I love movie wrestling.
The Reaper is NOT letting up!
Christians are against homo-sexuality, right? And this is a Christian film, so why is it loaded with these suggestive images of the dominant stud in black leather pants utterly molesting the innocent yet sexy-bodied “Saint” clad in pure white?
As Neverland predicted, the film both praises the virtues of a safe, healthy faith-based married life, and titillates our inner gay via male on male shirtless violence.
The Saint fights back briefly like a martyr refusing to deny his religion. But The Reaper doubles down on his violent attacks, again seizing control by force. And at the risk of sounding sinful, holy fuck this pretty saint in his tight white leggings and kinky mask has me thinking all sorts of impure thoughts!
Reaper (growls): NO MERCY!
The most brutal and dramatic moment in this four-minute match occurs when The Reaper entangles his black-leather legs around The Saint’s angelic white tights, then violently torques The Saint’s ankle to deliberately snap his femur. The Saint begins screaming in high-pitched, climactic yelps.
Is it wrong to be turned on by a film with a religious message? Am I a sinner for enjoying the saint’s painful humiliation?
After his leg, his pride, and his championship reign are all broken, Chris will leave behind his wild, seedy wrestling career and settle down with his wife and daughter in a safe, hetero-normal lifestyle — for about 26 movie minutes…
If you can’t wait for me to write about the next chapter in The Saint’s saga, search your local On Demand or online streaming service for The Masked Saint.
…To Be Continued