7 Habits of Highly Effective Jobbers — Part 2

Picking up where we left off, here are the remaining traits that define a successful jobber in pro wrestling…

4. Think Lose-Win

When you lose, everybody else wins, and that’s exactly how we prefer it.  Your submissive attitude allows your opponent to come off looking talented and invincible, without having to work too hard to earn it. The promoter sells more tickets and makes more dough, so he’ll be happy with your jobber performance if it puts asses in the seats.

And the fans get to escape their mundane lives of struggle and poverty for a few minutes, and witness a thrilling display of violence and suffering thanks to your unflagging wimpyness.  For most people, life is a zero sum game, so they feel better about themselves and their own competence by watching you suffer defeat week after week and never win.

To succeed as a wrestling jobber, become a doormat.  Set low expectations for yourself, and compromise your ideals again and again.  Consider yourself unworthy of praise or victory.

Clearly, a lot is riding on your lack of effort and low self-esteem.  A jobber should assume (and accept)  that every other wrestler has a stronger ego and superior game. Swallow your pride and tuck your masculinity between your legs, and the fans can feel better about themselves by pitying you.

5. Seek first to be loved, then to be pitied

To be successful, a jobber must capture the hearts of the fans.  If they don’t relate to him or care about him, they will be indifferent to his suffering.  Nobody likes to read a long novel where they don’t understand the hero and his plight, and the same thing applies to jobbers.

Only by winning their hearts, stirring up interest in your well-being and survival, can you keep them on the edges of their seats.  So try to be likable (or better yet, lovable.)  From the moment you walk through the curtain until the moment you lay beaten in the center of the ring, always sell yourself shamelessly.  You must strive for heaping helpings of fan-love, which will prevent audience boredom as the match wears on.

A successful jobber knows how to win their hearts in an instant, and re-win their hearts again and again.  Be charming and keep a good sense of humor — people fall for that every time if you’re humble about it.  Shake their hands and kiss their babies on the way to the ring.  Give every goon in the crowd a high-five — they will think you care about them.  Spend some time out in the audience so they think you’re one of them, a regular guy.  Support the home town.

And try to appear vulnerable and exposed;  people’s hearts go out to helpless creatures.  Show them some skin. Wear as little clothing as possible when playing the jobber so you look pitiful and helpless — like a bird with no feathers.  After they fall in love with you, they are at your mercy for the rest of the match, and will find your agony compelling.

6. Sexualize

“Sexualization” is the act or process of causing of a person, group or action to be seen as erotic in nature.  The term has been used to describe a broad set of ways in which sex becomes more visible in media and culture, as a subject of discussion and representation.  Good jobbers use subtle or overt tactics to sexualize their wrestling matches.

Anybody can fall around pretending to hurt.  It’s easy (but not very entertaining) to just lay down, clutch your back, and scream “OUCH!”   The truly talented and compelling jobber understands that sex sells, and finds ways to inject eroticism into his poses, movements, and behaviors.

So always keep your mind in the gutter when in the ring.  Grunt and groan with abandon.  Embrace body contact.  Wear revealing trunks — spread those legs and put yourself on display every time he knocks you down.

Slowly savor the holds.  Sit on him a while.  Keep your face at his waist level and/or vice versa. Bump and grind at will.  Yes, the fans are just as perverted as you are, and they will notice and appreciate every little thing you do to take your matches to an exciting, sensual level.

7.  Sharpen Your Look

A wrestling match is more watchable if the competitors are attractive and professional in appearance, so (even if you’re the jobber) always do what you can to improve your appearance, to “sharpen your look.”  Get a tan, spike your hair, don’t forget to moisturize.  Pierce something, bleach your hair, get some eye-catching ink, pluck out that uni-brow.  Grow some facial hair or chest hair, or shave it all off.

True, it is fun to watch an unfit, soft-bellied wimp take a beating, but a match seems more significant, more dramatic, if even the loser has a jaw-dropping body that makes us envious.  So don’t forget to hit the gym.

A sharp choice of gear is another opportunity to entertain the fans with your appearance, so don’t be cheap when shopping for ring-wear.  Your trunks and boots should be eye-catching.  And get a couple dozen different outfits, so you can keep the fans guessing about what you’ll show up wearing next.

Wash behind your ears.  Eat your vegetables.  Floss daily.  A striking appearance is part of the wrestling game — even for the jobbers — so keep your body, face, skin, hair, teeth, and clothing as perfect as possible if you want to be an effective jobber.