The bad boys ready to put in another day’s work kicking some ass
Back in December 2015, these fantastic animations from a BG East match were posted to CockJocksRock Tumblr page. Someone recently re-posted these to Tumblr, which reminded me how much I enjoyed these images and the written descriptions of the action (see caption under each GIF).
So I decided to steal and re-post some of the images and write about why I dug this match and the well-written captions in the Tumblr posting.
Sean Patrick & Patrick Donovan (The Patties) Clean cut in jobber whites come in with practiced showmanship.
The match is from BG East’s “Tag Team Torture #1” video, produced way back in 2008. I had the VHS tape of this video in my wrestling beat-off box for years — this match is a Sure Thing, trust me.
The combatants are Cruze and Jose’ (the tough Heels) against Sean Patrick and Patrick Donovan, whom the blogger refers to as the “Patties” because they both have “Patrick” in their name, and because “Pattie” is an emasculating title for a man.
When ivy league training meets street brawler.
The reason this match works so well is very aptly described by CockJocksRock Tumblr page:
“I always liked this match because of the stark contrast between the pairs. Very Jets vs Sharks appeal.”
For example, Cruze and Jose’ take a moment to play with their big dongs. We get the sense the Patties would never behave so vulgarly.
The rules don’t help when you’re the only team following them.
The blogger’s description continues:
“Skill and Technique start out strong against the not as polished roughnecks. The problem with this though is that one team thinks this is a wrestling match, and brought a rulebook to a fight. Which basically means: up against a no rules brawler, all your hours of structured training and commitment to fair play gets a first class ticket right up your ass via the Size 10 express.”
They aren’t here for rousing competition between rivals.
This spot-on description nicely sums up the Bad Boys and their cruel intentions, and the innocent, rule-abiding (and doomed) Patties.
Each of the captions written for these animations strikes a nerve in my brain, ticking off perceptions that I sensed while watching this match. Even if I didn’t put it into thought, his comments match my sub-conscious sensations. Now I see why readers of this blog sometimes tell me they enjoy it because: “You write exactly what I was thinking!”
They just wanna hurt somebody!
The author of the Neverland blog also wrote about this same epic match in his 7/1/14 article. He got excited over many of the same scenarios:
“Sean helped inaugurate the Tag Team Torture franchise, starring in what I continue to think of as the paradigmatic example of the essence of homoeroticism in wrestling by teaming up with Patrick Donovan and running into the brutal heel-buzzsaw of vicious, sadistic, perpetually horny Cruze and Jose.
Realizing mistakes were made.
“There’s so much right about that bout. The pitch perfect positioning of beautiful, lean babyfaces staring down meaty, hungry heels is spot on. Sean and his brave compatriot, Patrick, play their parts with skills that no pair of rookies should be able to, bravely flinging themselves again and again into the breach. And the 2-on-1 double teams, brutal humiliation, and total disregard for common decency of Cruze and Jose send this match hurtling headlong into a genre-defining moment.”
Ivy League tries to get gritty, focusing on leg punishment and crippling holds-but still stuck on classic training.
Nicely said, Neverland. We see Cruz and Jose’ maintain control with blatant cheating. When one Patty manages to secure a fancy leglock, the cheater stomps on his stomach and rescues his partner.
He then proceeds to lambaste the other Patty in a brutal display of Alpha Male dominance. This animation summarizes everything I love (and my fellow bloggers love) about this match, and about dirty, unfair Tag Team wrestling in general.
Finally deciding to save time they just alternate which backstreet boy to torture.
Hey man I’m down if it’ll cut this ass kicking short, no homo.
Again we see inappropriate behavior from one of the Heels, whipping it out and playing with it before sticking it in Patty’s face.
I like the caption, indicating the victim’s sexually submissive attitude which he hopes will lessen his suffering. This is the implication that underlies all jobber squashes across the entire spectrum of pro wrestling — that he would willingly do anything for the Heel (or to the Heel) to end his torture.
And no point in crushing country club bitch boys without some homo suggestive hazing.
The Neverland blogger continues his excellent description of the match:
“Sean and Patrick are stripped naked (Cruze also peels off his own trunks, but just because he’s so fucking turned on!), brutalized, and stacked like cordwood in an innovative double-dose suffering of a camel clutch/boston crab combination.”
It’s not gay if they forced us right?”
“Did they force you to slip tongue? Felt pretty gay after that, dude.”
“Just for kicks, and judging by the size of Cruze’s erection, he’s getting a major kick out of it, the heels finally force the doomed babyfaces into face-to-face simultaneous camel clutches, topping off (me) the homoeroticism by forcing the humiliated twosome to suck face on command.
“That’s got to be in my top 5 most insanely sexy matches!”
Mine too.
I must have just won an Oscar because I suddenly want to thank everyone: Thanks to BG East for producing this barn-burner, to the Man Upstairs for creating such perfect paradigms of Jobber and Heel tag teams, to all four wrestlers for playing their roles so well, to the Neverland blog for his insightful review, and to the CockJocksRock Tumblr for creating these great animations (including several more sexy ones that I did not include here…)
Would love to see you continue posting on all of CJR’s Tumblr nominations!