It is trendy for wrestling fans to make fun of the “Dynamic Dudes” — a rookie team from the late 80’s made up of Shane Douglas & Johnny Ace. People taunt their blond mullets, idle skateboard props, and overall gay vibe. (This hate is caused by homo-phobia stemming from feelings of attraction to these cuties.)
I loved this team and still do — especially young Shane Douglas. This match, recently posted to YouTube, features the Dudes vs. the flamboyant Freebirds.
Shane serves as the bullies’ punching bag.
The”Fabulous Freebirds” roster varied over the years, but this pairing of Hayes & Garvin was the sexiest in my opinion. Those hairy, masculine bodies paired with long, feminine hair and flamboyant costumes was a gender-bending mind-fuck.
The ‘Birds use bitchy, sneaky tactics to torture Shane.
The Freebirds always sexed up their matches with strutting, thrusting, and raunchy hip-grinding, practically masturbating right in front of us. And for this match, they wore those gorgeous aqua tights with tall white boots. Their aggressive tactics while sportng those electric leggings (which the typical 1980’s housewife wore to Jazzercize class) enhances their masculine/feminine vibe.
… And STAY out!
But let me get back to blond cutie Shane Douglas and his epic selling. The Bad Boys toss his pink-and-white spandexed ass out to the floor and he rolls around moaning as if his spine snapped.
Next they enact that frustrating (but arousing) gimmick where Our Hero struggles to climb in the ring only to be knocked back down to the floor.
Check out Hayes in those rockstar tights — Damn!
Hayes attacks the struggling Baby-Face outside the ring, giving us the impression that this Bad Boy can’t keep his hands off the attractive blond rookie. We sense that a horny Michael Hayes wants to keep Shane’s body all to himself.
The sex appeal and attractiveness of the Dynamic Dudes often inspired the homophobic fanbase to project its desires onto them. In an interview on YouTube, Jim Cornette recalls the frequent sexual harassment experienced by Dudes. He describes seeing the fans hold up banners with the wishful words: “Johnny sucks Shane’s dick.” This sign expresses a sub-concious desire by the sign’s creator, a compulsion to watch Johnny pleasuring Shane and a craving to join in.
AGAIN our young hero gets the jobber treatment!
Finally back inside the ring, we get to witness some Sleeper Porn. First Garvin and then Hayes toy with young Shane, nearly knocking him out cold with their thick arms wrapped around his neck. Given the Freebirds’ bawdy costumes, exposed hairy chests, and frequent in-ring grinding, this breath-control over the appealing rookie takes on a seedy, rapey appearance.
The breath control continues as Shane’s neck is crushed on the top rope.
Shane takes his suffering over-the-top, kicking his boots and clutching at his throat after being guillotined on the top rope.
Now do you see why I’m a fan of the Dynamic Dudes in spite of the mockery and disgust that other wrestling fans heap on them? Many consider the Dudes one of the worst tag teams ever, but I consider them one of the best.
A pinfall variation normally seen on less mainstream websites.
There was more to this match — Shane making the hot tag and Johnny Ace storming the ring. You can go watch the video to catch all that.
My interest in this match — and in the Dynamic Dudes in general — is focused on poor Shane as Face-in-Peril. So I will conclude with this sexy image of Michael Hayes straddling Shane’s pretty face, a suggestive pose that will further inspire naughty fantasies and passionate reactions from the worked up crowd.