Blonds Have More Fight

I’ve been obsessed with this Blond Heel tag team ever since this classic 1977 episode of WWWF was posted on YouTube two weeks ago.  These two Nancy-Boys have perfected the Arrogant Sissy Heel look from that era with their platinum blond hair, flabby physiques, and gorgeous matching singlets, complete with red and white stars.

I couldn’t wait to watch these chubby, cocky, bitchy fuckers cheating to win, utterly brutalizing their more conservative, traditionally masculine opponents.

Team work makes the pain work.

The Blondies are named “Pretty-Boy” Larry Sharpe and “Dynamite” Jack Evans.  They needed a team name like the “Hollywood Hotties” or the “Blond Ballbusters” or something.  Their jobber opponents are John Daniels and Joe Marcus — perfect names for the generic Enhancement Talent in boring black trunks.

Their unusual Criss Cross move seems highly effective.

Team Platinum tags in and out of the ring like a well-oiled machine, double-teaming their jobber at every opportunity.  They pull hair, pull trunks, and use the nasty under-handed tactics that get me off.  Many of you, I’m sure, would prefer more muscular, less clothed wrestlers to gape at, but these beefy blonds in their effeminate singlets are sexy as all hell in my book.

And let me take a moment to praise the clear quality of this 40-year-old video.  The picture looks  sharper and more colorful now than it probably did back in 1977 on my family’s big heavy tube TV (with me kneeling wide-eyed right in front of the screen, utterly transfixed by the suffering.)

Jobber Marcus watches Jobber Daniels being broken.

The heat of the match is derived from the gender-bending appearance of the blond team.  They have pretty hair and matching singlets resembling women’s bathing suits in bright colors meant to catch a man’s gaze.  The implication is that these cheaters may be a couple of them queers — they may want to do more than just rassle their nearly naked (but clueless) opponents, which injects a sense of sexy danger into the scene.

Pulling his waistband implies potential rape

The blonds fight like sissies — pulling hair and trunks — to further outrage the audience with their transgressive behavior.  If they won’t obey the rules of pro wrestling, what other rules are they breaking?  Perhaps rules governing bedroom behavior that were breaking down at this time in history.  This may be what made them seem sexy, raunchy, and dangerous.

For 1977, this Flying Neck Breaker was a decade ahead of its time!

The coolest and most devastating move was probably this Flying Knee off the middle rope, the chubby blond bouncing a few times to gain momentum.

I dig the reaction from Jobber Marcus, watching in frustration as his partner is nearly decapitated.  He hangs his head in shame, knowing that his helpless partner will never recover from that killer attack and the sissies will surely defeat him.

I guess you either “get” the sexiness and excitement of this classic Tag Team squash or you don’t.  Maybe you had to grow up obsessed with pro wrestling in the 1970’s, your eyes glued to the TV as these strangely dressed men (they’re men, right??) dominated the shirtless young dudes in black underwear.  I suppose these vintage wrestling shows (that I may have watched and been excited by 40 years ago) stir up powerful cravings of youth buried deep in the animal parts of my brain.