The Scarlet Pimp

Here is another hot match posted recently to the NWA Classics website.  That site has been killing it lately with rare, hot, exciting Old-School matches!

Ted DiBiase is playing the (straight) Face in blue trunks and white boots.  What really caught my attention and held it was the spectacular, flamboyant, sissified red leggings worn by the villain — the always sexy, always gender-bending Michael Hayes.  What a slutty little flirt!

The gimmick of the match is that they’ve hung a glove up on a pole (apparently this is the ultimate Weapon of Mass Destruction.)   Each wrestler repeatedly tries to climb the pole to obtain the glove whilst his opponent pulls his pants down, or punches him in the ribs, or throws him off.   This adds suspense and danger to the fight.

Why is DiBiase struggling to defeat that long-haired pussy??

The match delivers that “Sissy-Boy Punishes the Real-Man” vibe, with the villainous Michael Hayes (with his flowing golden locks and flamboyant red tights) utterly dominating much of the action.  This is due to his bitchy, under-handed tactics — for example, pulling hair and spiking the other dude’s face into ringside objects.

DiBiase’s face has crashed into every hard surface around the ring!

Our take-away from this match is that you can never trust a bitch — nor a man who dresses and fights like a bitch.  Masculinity is the key to legitimate power and success, and only a Real Man like Ted DiBiase fights fair and prospers through valor and bravery.  At some point — perhaps this point — DiBiase is cut open and begins to bleed.

We are encouraged to hate this villainous sissy.

Hayes is presented as a scheming bitch — cruel, dishonest and likely queer.  The intent is to contrast this devious sissy in his bright red leggings with the positive qualities embodied by the hetero-normative hero — brave, hard working, honest, and presumably straight.  This is similar to a classic Disney film where the villain is often portrayed as poofy and limp-wristed.

We are meant to despise this cheating queer and cheer for (and aspire to act like) the heroic straight man.  However, this morality play does not always produce the intended effect on the viewer.  Some wrestling fans actually get off on the bitchy cheater, excited by his cruel tactics and cocky prancing.  It’s hard to hate the naughty sissy-boy when he’s giving you a boner.

Like the 23rd time he punches out his helpless victim.

Hayes eventually obtains the dreaded glove, thanks to some help from his female valet (which further emasculates DiBiase, being defeated by both an effeminate male as well as an actual female.)  I won’t go into detail about all that — you can watch the match to see the chaotic, confusing ending.  Mostly I just wanted to drool over and obsess about those awesome red tights worn by Hayes.