How to Treat Broken Ribs

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about a match I found on old Ring of Honor DVD in my archives.  Here is a Tag Team contest from that same video (ROH Gutcheck from 2006.)

This is Austin Aries entering the ring with a mile and a half of bandages wrapped around his injured body.  He will act out the old “Broken Ribs” gimmick and it is glorious.

Of all the moves in your arsenal, you had to do THAT one??!

At first, Aries and his partner, Roderick Strong, fare well against their opponents, Christopher Daniels and Matt Sydal.  But then Aries foolishly tries for this Frog Splash off the top ropes and Daniels (the wily veteran) pulls his knees up to shatter Aries’ already injured ribs.  Let the Mid-Section Abuse commence!

Aries wishes he was getting Suplexed onto his back.

They didn’t really have “Baby-Faces” and “Heels” in Ring of Honor at this time — they just had aggressive dudes trying to maim each other.  Daniels & Sydal try to maim Aries using tons of different ribcage attacks like this OTK Gut Buster to further damage Austin’s body.  How CRUEL! (boner).  Look how crisp and confident Daniels works, giving the move an extra Oomph to put it over.

Ring of Honor took itself and its violence very seriously at this time, eschewing the usual cartoon characters (e.g., Indian chiefs, bolsheviks, cannibals, millionaires) in favor of Regular Dudes Who Could Kick Your Ass.

The athletes were mad talented, and all their moves looked deadly and hurtful.  Christopher Daniels is a great example of the ROH wrestler from the mid-2000’s:  not a pretty boy, but wow could he fight!

Daddy Daniels applies a tortuous Ab Stretch actually twice on Austin Aries, bending him sideways to separate his torn rib cartilage.  These were some of my favorite moments in this match, especially when they showed my boy Roderick outside the ropes, his wide back glistening as he leans in to shout, “Come on, Austin!” to his poor, suffering partner.

One of the cruelest — and coolest — Double Team moves ever.

Then THIS happens!   Daniels exposes Austin’s mid-section so his partner can leap over the ropes and drive a pair of boots right into those taped ribs!  This dickish assault represents the serious, dangerous tone that ROH delivered then.  The violence, brutality, and peril triggers our brains in a specific way, releasing testosterone or dopamine or whatever chemicals get a man all riled up and panting for more abuse.

We sense a ton of tension (sexual or otherwise) between Strong and Daniels, their eyes often meeting across the ring as Roddy’s partner lies broken and writhing at Daddy Daniels’ feet.

In its early days, ROH was superb at delivering that Fuck 0r Fight sense of rivalry between athletic Alpha Males.

There is also a Teacher-Student vibe happening between Daniels (who was 35 at the time) and his partner Sydal (who was 22).  We get the sense that Daniels is demonstrating for his pupil how to punish a man, how to attack one body part without mercy, how to get the audience to respect, fear, and lust after you.  And Sydal comes off eager to please, trying to impress Daddy Daniels with increasingly brutal and destructive assaults.

This is how pro wrestling felt back in the 70’s when people still believed it was real (or at least I wasn’t sure yet.)  ROH in 2005 caused similar primal chemical reactions in my brain that I hadn’t experienced since watching the bloody Southern-style rasslin’.

Is THIS why they named this event “Gut Check”?

And this explains why ROH was exciting to watch — why I kept ordering their DVDs.  Before their product moved to television, ROH delivered these long, realistic-looking fights.  The level of excitement I felt while watching their DVDs reminded me of how I felt in my younger days when I’d watch the violent, bloody battles wide-eyed and boned up inches from the TV.

Couldn’t you just put him in a leglock or Sleeper or something?

The match ends much as it began: with Aries soaring off the ropes to crash down on his opponent, using his sore ribs to deliver the impact.  Aries comes off as a stud, able to endure the most intense physical pain and injury and still fight back.  He also seems a little masochistic, using a Rib Splash to win the bout.

I hope those shattered ribs are worth the victory.

Rolling off his defeated victim, Aries curls up clutching his ribs in pure agony and I love him for it.  He’s such a vulnerable little guy, in there with these highly talented assassins who know so many ways to injure you.  The realistic tone of classic ROH (and old-timey wrestling in general) makes Austin’s peril seem more plausible and therefore more arousing.