Finest Asses

I recently saw this buff wrestler, Richard Holliday, in a YouTube video.  He has a banging bod, a ton of confidence, and cool pin-striped trunks with “New York’s Finest Asset” printed on the backside.  This is all clearly designed to draw attention to his buttocks.

In his beautiful red robe, Holliday’s opponent brings a classic Old Timey vibe to the ring, along with his big henchman.  I haven’t seen a rhinstone ring-robe that regal since Rick Rude.

He is named “Sensational” Scott Levesque which even sounds like one of the Golden Age grapplers that used to inspire raging boners over 30 years ago.  And when he peels that robe off, I really start digging him.

Not sure where to grab, he opts for that fine asset.

Wow.  Whoever is making the wardrobe choices for this federation deserves a big fat raise.  The trunks on these dudes are just perfect.

And with “Finest Asset” written on one and “Sensational” written on the other, it’s hard to decide which asset to stare at the most!

Many of you are probably thinking the choice is obvious: Holliday is younger, prettier, and buffer, so of course our eyes should be riveted to him.

But this Levesque dude, sprawling all over the ring in those sensational trunks (which keep hitching themselves up the valley) is stealing the show in my opinion.  Maybe it’s because I’m getting older myself, or maybe he reminds me of the sort of wrestlers (in star-spangled little stretchy trunks) that rocked my world in my horny teen years, but I find myself more drawn to the veteran than the rookie.

Their trunks were clearly meant to frottage in.

So who is the Heel and who is the Baby-Face?  They’re both arrogant and cheating pricks, right?

Actually, in spite of his fancy Heel robe and his minion at ringside, Levesque is playing Good Guy.  The commentator mentions that the crowd is behind him, and he endures most of the suffering as the Good Guy usually does.

Shit — you better put a Counseling Memo in this employee’s personnel file!

To fully complete Levesque’s conversion to Good Guy, he is shown being double-crossed by his big henchman.  The brute wraps a chain around his fist and clunks his boss right in the skull with it (something many of us have wanted to do to our bosses I’m sure…)

This stuns the new hero and he is promptly defeated by Holliday.

Holliday must want our attention back on him so he displays his buff torso on the ropes.

The most surprising aspect of this match is the high level of homo-erotic sexual tension that nobody seems to notice or remark on.  Can’t anyone in the audience see that these guys are beautiful and nearly naked in their little bun-hugging briefs?  They even have messages printed on their asses touting their attractiveness and desirability, and the males in the audience sit there and eat it up right alongside the females.

Then the two nearly naked studs grapple and grab on each other, often dick-to-ass, while pretending to hurt and punish eachother and showing off their bodies for our viewing pleasure.  And the commentators talk about this ultra-gay ballet like it’s the most commonplace athletic event, like these two hunks are just playing tennis or something.  I mean how queer does pro wrestling need to get before folks admit it’s actually soft-core porn targeted to gay (and/\or closeted) dudes and maybe not meant for children?!

Minion asks his new Master for permission to slam his old Master.

To ensure we feel compassion and pity for Levesque, the monster continues to manhandle him.  With a handful of those awesome trunks, he Choke Slams the formerly powerful Boss into ragdolled emasculation.

Holliday watches from the corner but I actually wish he’d get involved.  I wish he’d now sit his fine asset right down on Leveque’s face.  I bet that would have the audience questioning their sexual orientation and why they love pro wrestling so much.