The 37th season of Survivor starts this Wednesday, 9/26/18. In case you haven’t heard, the hunky wrestler John Hennigan (AKA Johnny Nitro, John Morrison, Johnny Mundo, etc.) will be part of the cast.
The gimmick for Season #37 is “David vs. Goliath” with Hennigan being part of the Goliath team — the dominant, good-looking, muscular Alpha Males and Alpha Females (is that a thing?). In pro wrestling, I actually prefer Hennigan when he’s playing the David, but I can see why they’d classify this beefcake as a Goliath compared to us regular mortals like the other people on CBS Survivor.
I usually watch Survivor anyway, but now that one of my pro wrestling crushes is on the show, you better believe it’s a Must See for me. I hope he Pile-Drives one of the cute, shirtless Davids during a challenge!
So to celebrate Hennigan’s decision to join Survivor, and to get excited for S37-Ep1, let’s check out the “Shaman of Sexy” in rasslin’ action over his 16 year career.
For a while, Johnny “Mundo” wrestled in Mexico on the “Lucha Underground” show. I blogged about this in my 11/24/14 article. I proposed that Lucha Underground should really be called “Let’s beat the fuck out of pretty-boy Johnny Mundo.”
As you can see in the past several animations, the Luchadores have been rough on the hunky/cocky Gringo, utterly degrading and torturing him while laughing about it. Poor Johnny is a Lone Ranger down south of the border — which makes his abuse by the double-teaming Mexican gangs seem even more unfair, savage, and fucking DELICIOUS! Get him, Hombres!
Oh Johnny, why are you flaunting your American pride in the faces of the Mexican audience and wrestlers?? They are gonna rip your pretty bod limb from limb. (But I am into his Stars & Stripes look — it reminds me of Buff Bagwell back in about 1994, except that Johnny is actually buffer than Buff.)
Johnny has actually been a real survivor in his pro wrestling career, so he belongs on Survivor. He survived many painful beatings in the ring. He survived by remaining healthy and injury-free in spite of his high-flying Parkour style.
He survived the grueling training regimen to win the Tough Enough reality show in 2002. And now his career has survived after being fired from WWE — bouncing between Indy feds and accumulating more last names and nicknames than any other wrestler ever.
My heart really goes out to Johnny [insert latest surname here], for both the painful bumps he suffers in the ring in spite of his gorgeous muscles, and the bumps his career has taken in spite of his exciting style and excellent selling.
It helps that he’s so pretty. My heart always goes out to pretty wrestlers.
I plan to be a shameless Fan Boy when I watch Johnny on Survivor. I’m going to cheer for him to win every challenge and find every Immunity Idol.
But it’s likely that the other players, jealous of his greatness, will gang up to vote him out, like a bunch of Mexican Rudos. You BASTARDS!
Johnny recorded a video to talk about why he belongs on Survivor and how he plans to win. In the video, we hear Johnny mock and disparage pro wrestling, calling it “goofy.” Here is what he said:
“I’m aware that people think I’m a Meathead. I’m aware that professional wrestling is a bunch of grown men wearing sparkly tights, pretending to fight each other in front of arenas. I’m aware of how goofy it is, and I have fun with it.”
Shame on you, Johnny! You deserve a whipping for putting down the sport that made you a Superstar! We need to send big, beefy El Texano with his tight trunks and thick bull-rope to give you 20 lashes, just for referring to my biggest turn-on as “goofy!”
Here is what Johnny SHOULD have said to mainstream America if he really wants to boost the ratings of both Survivor 37 and whatever Indy Federation he is currently wrestling in (and pro wrestling in general):
“I’m aware that guys think I’m hot. I’m aware that professional wrestling is a bunch of grown men wearing sparkly tights pretending to fight each other, and that this is a homo-erotic performance. I’m aware of how sexy it is, and I have fun with it.”
So be sure to check out the “Wednesday Night Delight” — John Hennigan — on Wednesday nights beginning this week. Watch him suffer, survive, and sweat in the heat of the Fiji Islands, hopefully wearing only his underwear like the guys do on Survivor. I hope to see him out-last, out-play, and out-wrestle the other contestants!
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Hennigan is more than a survivor. He really shines after his WWE days, more exciting, more ripped, and so much more charismatic.
This John Hennigan sure is one hot, handsome stud!