Wrestler for Sale

Have you seen this bizarre but entertaining commercial promoting WWE action figures that features Randy Orton sitting on a family’s dinner table?  It often airs during WWE Monday Night Raw, or you can just search for it if you want to check it out.

The scene opens with a husband, wife, and son sitting down to dinner only to discover that the Randy Orton action figure they recently bought is, in fact, the real Randy Orton.  He has come to life and is poised confidently cross-legged on their kitchen table, shirtless in trunks and boots.  The mother tells the son to take his toy off the table, but the son exposes the mother, proclaiming “You said I could!” which reveals that the mother is fine with Orton’s presence.

This unusual scene implies several possible fantasy scenarios in the mind of the viewer:

• That wrestlers are for sale at your local department store like some kind of slave you can bring home to entertain you
• That action figures could magically come to life, offering you a flesh and blood wrestling dummy to play with
• That Orton — a silent, powerful, dominant force in the story — could impose his will on any or all of the other characters
• That Orton (the only meat seen on the table) is to be devoured or consumed by the family

Randy Orton doesn’t speak at all (perhaps because he is meant to portray an action figure, or perhaps because he serves as an object of desire rather than a real person.)  He does, however, smile with lusty pleasure at the husband.  The son only appears on screen for 8 seconds (primarily in profile) and speaks just one line. The wife speaks two lines, but the husband is featured for a whopping 14 seconds and speaks 5 lines.

The focus of the commercial is clearly on the reaction of the handsome husband (the family member who should technically have the least interest in a male pro wrestler).  He seems to be rather shocked, thrilled, and excited to find a shirtless muscleman waiting for him on the dinner table. The husband’s eyes meet Orton’s eyes on several occasions.  The husband serves as the protagonist and provides the tension of the scene.

In just 30 seconds, the commercial depicts several shifts in the power structure, a trade-off of Alpha Male dominance, between the husband and Orton — similar to the way most pro wrestling matches depict shifts in power between the wrestlers.  The husband begins on his feet, his submissive wife trying to enforce his rule of “No Action Figures at the Table.”  Then he collapses in his chair, staring up in awe at the powerful muscle-man seated above him, and his rule is tossed out the window.

The husband asks his wife “Where did you get him?” which re-asserts the family’s ownership (and possession) of the slave-wrestler.  But the wife says: “Isn’t he CUTE?” in reference to Orton, which emasculates the un-cute (un-desirable) husband and elevates Orton to the sexually dominant position.  The husband has been cuckolded by his wife (or could be if Orton wanted to have her) right in his own home, right on his dinner table.  He is Orton’s bitch (or would be, if Orton wanted to have him.)

The husband tries to re-establish a Master role by asking “Does he have a Kung-Fu Grip?” — referring to Orton in the third person like he is an object and questioning Orton’s hand strength.  The husband reaches to hold Orton’s hand and thus to control him.  But in the end, Orton layeth the smacketh down, back-handing the husband twice in the mouth to silence, humble, and dominate the wimp.

The commercial ends with the humiliated husband hanging his head in defeat, realizing his world had changed and he’ll never be Boss in his own home again.  Orton is stronger and more aggressive, and can back-hand him again, or worse, at any time.  His wife is clearly more attracted to the shirtless Orton (according to the son, she allowed him to seat Orton in a place of honor at the head of the table), and there is no question that the son (who brought Orton to the table) wants to keep him.

I am not into action figures (no really, I’m not!) but I may go purchase a Randy Orton figure to support K-Mart and their interesting homo-erotic commercial (and maybe it’ll come to life!)