Top Guys

On the 2/11/19 episode of Raw, Dash and Dawson got a rematch against the champs, the buff and glorious Bobby Roode and Chad Gable.  These teams last wrestled back on Christmas Eve and my poor Revival boys got bested.

Chad opens the bout with some Baby-Face shine, wrenching on poor Dash’s arm and making him cringe in pain.  Don’t tell me the poor Revival are gonna get jobbed out again!

Here is how the Heels took control of Gable to begin his Face-in-Peril torture session, using a dirty and dangerous Neck Snapper over the top rope!

Damn I am so triggered by these manly, husky, Dickhead Heels and their brutal transgressions on pretty-boy Gable.  And Gable so willingly plays the submissive ragdoll for them — it’s beautiful.

If you’re into Baby-Face suffering, this match was truly a delight, with lots of visuals of Chad with his long hair and douchey headband and muscular torso just being manhandled and molested by the big, bad Heels.  My favorite move of the match was this old school Road Warriors style Flying Elbow off the top rope.

Whoever taught Chad Gable how to sell did good work.  And his big huge muscles and bejewelled headband make his humiliation seem even more pathetic and therefore hot.

And of course, when the Face-in-Peril has such thick and luscious hair, it’s the Heels’ duty to drag him and lift him with big handfuls of that luxurious mane.  As an obedient jobber, Gable willingly hands himself over to their ownership and I am dizzy with excitement watching my Revival guys do what they do best.  Hurt dat bitch!

Both teams grasp the psychology of Tag Team wrestling and act out the classic tropes and scenarios that still work after we’ve seen them play out a million times before — the unfair isolation of the handsome young Good Guy, the cruelty of entrapping him in the ring and preventing him from reaching the rescue of his partner.

They toy around with some Almost Tags to get the audience even more stirred up.  Poor Chad, what more brutality must he endure while his all-powerful partner watches in impotent frustration just out of reach?

Eventually the Glorious Blue Boys fight back against the classic Heels’ oppression.  Big Bobby Roode tries to break my Dash’s neck.

Then Gable attempts to pin Dash Wilder in a bridge, putting Dash’s taint on display.  Incidentally, this is the exact same Look At His Balls position (see below) that Gable used to defeat Dash on 12/24/18 — but this time, Dash kicks out!  This was a fun (and hot) little call-back to Revival’s prior defeat.

Again Dash is rolled up in a degrading pinning position, this time by big daddy Bobby Roode.

But Dash is in a feisty mood tonight and he refuses to lay down and submit.  He violently kicks his legs to escape this molestation.  Get ’em Dash — don’t let these Glorious show-offs defeat you guys again!

They did it!  To everyone’s surprise, they busted Chad Gable’s impressive body with their patented Shatter Machine finishing move, and Gable lays limp and helpless — ripe for the pin!

By the way, what do the letters “#FTR” — printed prominently on the back of the Revivals’ matching trunks — really stand for?   Apparently Dash Wilder applied for a Trademark on “#FTR”, ostensibly for the phrase “Forever, The Revival.”   But Internet rumors claim that Cody Rhodes and the Young Bucks, who resent the Top Guys’ no flips gimmick, have encouraged their fans to chant “Fu*ck The Revival“.     Perhaps the Revival do want to be fucked, based on their proud display of the letters FTR on their asses.

Other rumors surfaced that the Revival are tired of being clowned and jobbed on Raw and they want to quit the WWE to join the hot new AEW federation.  Maybe #FTR stands for “Free The Revival.”

Fearful that two of the hottest studs on their roster wanted to leave, the WWE apparently decided to award them with the gold belts.

Pro wrestling in general, and WWE in particular, has a bad habit of getting too silly, campy, and ridiculous, which is a total turn-off.  I prefer my wrestling to feel serious, dangerous, and physically punishing — that’s what makes it hot.

Luckily we still have guys like the Revival around who “get” the sex appeal of reality-based pro wrestling, the classic struggle to obtain those treasured gold belts that proclaim your dominance, and who respect the traditions and psychology of classic wrestling.  Forever The Revival, indeed!