Wrestling in the Time of Corona

So now we are in the midst of a pandemic and we are being advised to practice “social distancing.” We need to avoid large crowds and mass gatherings. Most of the big sports organizations have now stopped hosting live events entirely to avoid spreading the plague. This draconian situation certainly affects the Big Federations like WWE whose business model relies on arenas full of lusty fans. For example, WrestleMania 36, scheduled for April 5, 2020, is likely to be canceled.

As lovers of the great sport of wrestling, what are we to do in these uncertain times? Where will we get our rasslin fix if in-person events with audiences of 100 or more people are now forbidden?

Actually, I find myself being drawn more and more to the Underground wrestling federations — the producers of videos featuring only two (or four!) competitors in the ring, wrestling for our viewing pleasure without an arena filled with screaming fans. The Underground federations provide sexier, more erotic wrestling anyway — just two dudes in little bikinis going at it and looking hot. Lately, the Big Federations tend to focus more on running and kicking and social distancing than actual Old School rasslin.

I recently watched an episode of “wrestling” produced and televised by one of the Big Federations and I thought I was watching Kick Boxing. It was not the sexy style of wrestling I grew up on — the dudes barely touched each other (perhaps they were afraid of spreading the disease.) If you want actual Old School rasslin, with all the Bearhugs and Scissors and Sleeper Holds and Camel Clutches and Ab Stretches that turn you on, then the Underground Federations are your Sure Thing — not the Big, Fancy, Televised federations.

So can we count on our wrestle-porn websites (e.g., BGE, Can-Am, Cyberfights, W4H, UCW, NRW, MBW, 88W, BWN, Thunders, Spotland, Underground Wrestler, Weekend Wrestling, and WrestlingMale) to continue delivering the wrestling content we crave during these dangerous days of social distancing?

I believe so. The pandemic primarily affects old people and sick people anyway, not the fit, virile, muscular young hunks who tend to appear in these videos. Furthermore, I believe most of the producers listed above already have archives with dozens of hot matches they’ve already filmed (the lucky bastards!) which they’re gradually feeding to us over time. They could probably run for months on their pre-Corona archives without needing to actually put two dudes in a ring together.

But what about the regular work-a-day dudes who enjoy meeting up with other dudes through MeetFighters or GlobalFight or BearHugger in order to wrestle around, jerk each other off, or watch wrestle-porn videos? You can’t wrestle a dude from six feet apart, right? Is it safe during this epidemic to allow another dude to put you in a Body Scissor or Head Lock?

Generally yes — feel free to continue meeting and wrestling as you always have. Social distancing is more about avoiding large crowds where hundreds of people could become infected at once, but one-on-one encounters are still permitted and are not a public health hazard. As a general precaution, please adhere to the following safeguards:

1. If you feel sick (fever, cough, shortness of breath) or he feels sick, don’t wrestle.
2. If you or he recently traveled to a place where the virus is prevalent, don’t wrestle for a few weeks.
3. After wrestling a dude, shower off using hot water and plenty of soap (which you should be doing anyway, you nasty freak!).

There. Continue enjoying life and continue getting off on wrestling.

One positive outcome of the global pandemic is that it gives us more time to watch the sport we love. All of the other sporting events have been canceled, so why not dedicate those extra hours you would’ve spent on the NCAA basketball tournament, or MLB spring training, or the NHL playoffs to instead beat off to rasslin??

Go check out some great old school YouTube videos you jerked off to decades ago, or go purchase some downloads from the Underground producers listed above. I plan to use this free time to continue digging out the dusty old DVDs under my stairs and converting them to video format to preserve them forever.

Finally, many of us with desk jobs have been told to Work From Home to avoid spreading the disease. Great — this gives us more time to get off on wrestling all day long! Here is how my fellow blogger from The Cave website described it:

I’m not saying you should slack off on your job duties, but if you must type up some stupid spreadsheet or sit through a boring webinar, you could be doing it while wearing your favorite trunks (nobody will see under the desk) while your computer or television is showing some sexy boner-inspiring wrestling video. Face it, your job will be much more fun to perform with a hard-on the entire time.

So let’s make the most of this dreary situation and turn lemons into lemonade. Lets keep right on watching wrestling and doing wrestling and getting off on wrestling until life returns to normal!