My Jobber Crush

Back in the early 80’s, I was a horny teen with a man-crush on a long-haired jobber named Tony Colon (and about 30 other pro wrestlers.) Tony Colon is the whipping boy being tossed around in the above GIF. Nobody else probably even remembers Tony Colon and his short, winless career, but I certainly do because he starred in many of the steamy, sleazy matches that took place in my brain.

He was just so handsome with his dark beard and flowey hair, like a swarthy pirate or hyper-masculine lumberjack. I even thought his name was hot to say. And his big body was delicious in spandex trunks and tall boots. I wrote in more detail about my fascination with Colon and his “long flowing mane of dark hair” in a 2012 article.

Recently, while reviewing some of my old beat-off DVDs, I found this rare match featuring my boy, Tony Colon, being punished by a vicious and skilled Jose Gonzales. It’s a quick squash — it only took Gonzales like 3 minutes to destroy poor Colon — but any Tony Colon wrestling is hot in my book. I uploaded the match to YouTube so I can easily find it again whenever I’m in the mood to watch Colon get his ass kicked.

Here are a few animations from the match which may inspire you to want to go watch my video.

Jose Gonzales — the dominant Boricua in blue trunks beating up my poor Tony — is infamous for (allegedly) stabbing Bruiser Brody to death in 1988. According to a Dark Side of the Ring episode I watched recently, Gonzales was quickly acquitted of the crime (which took place in his homeland, Puerto Rico) after he claimed self-defense and none of the witnesses appeared at the trial (because they didn’t receive their summons until weeks later, after the trial was already over.)

Come to think of it, Colon looks a little bit like Bruiser Brody with that dark hair and thick midsection. Good thing Gonzales didn’t get them confused! The fact that Tony is in the ring against this future alleged murderer just makes his peril and punishment seem more real to me, and therefore more enticing.

So I tried to figure out what date this match occurred to see how soon it was before Gonzales killed Brody. According to the Cagematch Wrestling Database, Tony Colon wrestled 63 times and won not a single match — I love that about him! Anyway, he was defeated twice by Jose Gonzales, on March 27 and April 10, 1984. So this match occurred about four years before Gonzales would (allegedly) stab a man to death. No wonder Colon is acting so helpless and submissive, allowing Gonzales to do whatever he wants to that big sexy body, so as not to antagonize this (alleged) killer!