Killer Beating (Webmaster’s Cut)

In my video archives, I found a nice long match featuring the Killer Bees — a favorite Tag Team of mine back in my teen years. (Was there any Pretty-Boy Tag Team that I didn’t have a crush on back then??)

This match is a “Best of Three Falls” war against the Islanders, Haku and Tama, which aired on Saturday Night’s Main Event (SNME) back on March 12, 1988. SNME was a WWE show that NBC would sometimes broadcast in place of Saturday Night Live reruns. I like SNL, don’t get me wrong, but I am absolutely head-over-heels in LOVE with pro wrestling, so it was a rare and wonderful treat whenever SNME replaced SNL. And you never knew exactly when SNME would air — it was only a few times per year — so I’d scan the TV listings each week with my fingers crossed, and when I’d find it listed, I’d just about die of a heart attack in eager anticipation.

You see, my family often went to bed before 11:30 PM when SNME would begin, so I knew I’d have the living room and TV to myself for some glorious and arousing quality time alone with my wrestlers.

Above you can see how the Islanders win the First Fall. Tama illegally holds back Brunzell’s arms so Haku can knock my pretty-boy out with a brutal Barefoot Kick to the jaw. They cheat quite often throughout the three falls, which gets me hard every time — entering the ring without tagging, illegally double-teaming in their corner, using the tag rope to strangle their victim. It’s everything I love in a Tag Team match!

Like many Samoan wrestlers working in the racist and xenophobic USA, the Islanders portray Wild Savage Foreigners who may just devour their All-American White Meat Baby-Face opponents right before our eyes. They don’t even wear boots, entering the ring barefoot to signal their primitive vibe. This dynamic made the punishment inflicted by these savages seem more cruel, painful, and outrageous (and therefore more bonerific).

It definitely flipped a switch in the arousal centers of my brain when innocent, vulnerable Good Guys like Blair and Brunzell got thrown in the ring with some ferocious, cheating beasts who don’t seem to comprehend the rules. Yes, I knew it was all campy fakery, but my cock didn’t seem to comprehend that.

I thought both Killer Bees were handsome and appealing, but Brunzell held a special place in my spank-bank — his plump ass, his meaty torso, his dimples when he smiled (or cringed in pain). I thought he was cute AF, and I got funny feelings whenever he was serving as the Face-In-Peril.

Below is an image of Jumpin’ Jim winning the Second Fall to tie it up, thanks to his impressive and fearsome Drop Kick.

Some wrestling fans scoff and shake their heads at the Killer Bees’ clownish bumble-bee gimmick — their striped tights, their flapping arms. Brunzell and Blair actually chose their team name not based on the insect, but as a tribute to the Miami Dolphins’ “Killer B” defensive line in the early 80’s where most of the players’ last names started with the letter “B”.

The “bee” gimmick never really stopped me from lusting after this team. I love seeing similar-looking dudes in matching gear — it just seems so totally gay so it turns me on.

I certainly didn’t hate their black-and-yellow trunks. The horizontal yellow stripe running across the front of their trunks accentuated their manhood by widening where it stretched around their balls. And the yellow stripe that cupped their thicc asses on the back side really emphasized the chasm between their cheeks by often plunging into the gap between their flexing glutes. I wish more wrestlers wore stripes actually!

So let me tell you what I did. I edited this video to spice it up. I lingered on the Killer Bees’ moments of suffering, I zoomed in on their bodies and trunks, I repeated their worst punishments to intensify their agony. I cut out much of their successful offense to further weaken and emasculate them. I love doing that — editing the match to my tastes!

For example, in the above animation, we see the Killer Bees congratulate one another with a quick victory hug. Nice! I made it more romantic by slowing it down, zooming in, and repeating their loving embrace. I couldn’t help it — I enjoy when Tag Team partners show affection, so I’m compelled to savor and prolong those moments.

Here is my edited version of this epic match, which you can also watch on YouTube:

Jumpin’ Jim portrays the pathetic and accident-prone FIP for most of the Third Fall, so you know I dig the Third Fall. I found Brunzell’s humiliating failure near the end of the match especially interesting. Jumpin’ Jim is praised for his spectacular Drop Kick — Lord Alfred even described Brunzell at the beginning of this match as “the possessor of the finest Drop-Kick in professional wrestling.”

But Jumpin’ Jim actually misses his signature move and crashes painfully to the mat after Tama cleverly held onto the ropes to avoid being kicked! Then Haku tags in and fucks up Brunzell with, you guessed it, a perfectly executed Drop-Kick!!! Oh no, what happened Jimmy?!

So not only did Brunzell agree to do the job for these Islanders, but he apparently agreed to do it in a humiliating fashion — his patented move co-opted by Haku just moments after Brunzell failed to deliver! NOW who is the possessor of the finest Drop-Kick in pro wrestling?!? It’s as if Haku is saying, THIS is how you execute a Drop-Kick, you clumsy wanna-be! You gotta love Brunzell if he agreed to put over the Islanders by getting owned by his own favorite finisher!

So I hope you enjoy this video and the edits I made to make it even more homo-erotic than it actually was. I certainly got off on making it!