Declaw Him

MJF is such a deliciously arrogant dickhead Heel, always sneering and strutting around the ring like he owns the place. And his thick ass gives me a hard-on. He strutted to the ring in his remarkably snug green satin trunks and douchey scarf for this MLW Fusion match recently posted to YouTube.

His victim for this torture session is Marshall von Erich, the barefoot scion of that dominant rasslin family from Texas. This should be GOOD — I’ve been into the von Erichs since about 6th or 7th grade when I first saw their hard-bodies in a wrestling magazine at the corner drug store and got turned on. For at least two weeks, I walked about a mile out of my way just to stop at that store again, flip through that same wrestle-porn mag, and swoon over those hunky young cowboys in trunks (we didn’t get Texas rasslin on TV where I lived.)

Look what the sleazy prick does next: wagging his pecker at some heckling fan and then draping it on the ring rope. Is he trying to make me lust for him??

I recall that he performed a similar lewd act (while wearing a similar pair of green “Look At My Dick” trunks) in my 2/20/20 article…

Later in the 80s when I finally gained access to Texas Wrestle-porn, my one complaint about the von Erichs (especially Marshall’s daddy) was that they didn’t Sell and Suffer enough for my tastes. Kevin, Kerry, and their other brothers were the Crown Princes of World Class Championship Wrestling, the superheroes of the Dallas Sportatorium. Their daddy Fritz was the promoter, so the boys knew they never had to lose, not even for 30 seconds.

Someone should’ve informed them that the fans watch pro wrestling to get horny. And there is nothing more arousing than the pretty boy hero selling a prolonged beating. Young Marshall certainly seems to get it, rolling around on the mat kicking his bare feet around!

Besides being sexy in his trunks, MJF also proves to be a smart Ring Psychologist. Knowing about the all-powerful weapon of the von Erich clan — their dreaded Iron Claw — we see MJF trying to bend and break young Marshall’s fingers to disarm him. That’s HOT! This punk won’t be able to slap on that skull-crushing vise grip if his right hand is mangled!

So MJF bends the youngster’s wrist back, and brutally stomps on his hand, and entangles his fingers in the metal turnbuckle. He is taking away the poor youngster’s only weapon, leaving the kid at his mercy. He even gnaws on the poor kid’s fingers, which was sort of symbolic but also fairly provocative.

I also found this Bearhug scene rather homo-erotic, where Marshall strains and flexes to slowly encircle his arms around MJF’s waist and pull him in for a tight embrace.

Despite his efforts to weaken Marshall’s hand, MJF still falls victim to the all-powerful Iron Claw, forced to submit to this classically unbeatable Skull Cracker. I had a few reactions to this surprising ending:

1. That’s pretty cool of MJF to put this youngster over — to suffer a humiliating loss, tapping out like a jobber, to allow this youngster to shine.
2. I like MJF — he respects the biz and he keeps the action HOT!
3. Everyone knows the Iron Claw is sexier if you keep it locked on for a long time and make the victim slowly pass out. They really should treat it like a Sleeper Hold, I love that shit!
4. I don’t really enjoy seeing MJF taken down a peg, but I do enjoy seeing reverence and respect being paid to this Old School Finisher. I’d enjoy seeing a few Iron Claws per week, totally knocking jobbers out. Let’s bring it back!