JoMo: Bad News & Good News

When it comes to John Morrison (or “JoMo” if you’re a hip Broski and like to shorten everyone’s name), I have some bad news and good news.

The BAD NEWS is that I read on-line this week that they may be planning to fire poor Morrison from the WWE soon.

Does that mean I’m not going to see those abs, those flowing locks of hair, those gorgeous tights on WWE each week??  Say it ain’t so, JoMo!  I’ve been watching this stud develop since they first trained him on Tough Enough as a green and clumsy rookie.

Maybe he isn’t as entertaining as a Baby-Face as he was as a Heel — and they already have enough Heels.  Maybe he didn’t obey some after-hours order from a promoter (not the first time that’s happened in WWE, I’m told.)

Whatever the reason, WWE is about to release a real hottie.  He’s so hot, even straight dudes were into him — proudly declaring they were “Homo for JoMo.”  (Well maybe they weren’t quite as straight as they portrayed themselves to be.)

Is there some city park or town square where we can stage a protest and camp out until they ink a new contract for this poor hunk?  Let’s remind the WWE that they’ve invested a lot of time training him, and he always keeps that body in crazy good shape, and even grew that scruffy beard…  (Well I sound whiney now!)

The GOOD NEWS is that, before they let Morrison go, they’ve decided to utterly destroy and humiliate him.  They’re kicking him in the ass on the way out the door — de-valuing the “John Morrison” franchise and breaking his spirit.  He is no longer the “Shaman of Sexy” — he is now more like the “Boy-Toy to All Comers.”

They’re now letting every WWE Superstar who feels sadistic crush and punish poor JoMo.  They’re showing him stomped, slammed, and tossed around by pretty much everyone in the WWE organization except the janitor.  Last week on Raw, Wade Barrett easily whipped poor JoMo — kicking him around like a football (or soccer ball depending where you’re from.)

I say this is “Good News” because it’s always fun to watch a ripped stud in agony.  (I’m not sure why that is, but answering that question is pretty much the goal and purpose of this Blog…)

WWE.COM even posted an article recently about Morrison’s humiliating losing streak.  They rub salt in his wounds with disrespectful comments like: “the high-flyer from California has been smashed by Cody Rhodes, squashed by Mark Henry and creamed by Wade Barrett… Now, he’s tasting the bottom of Drew McIntyre’s boot on “WWE Superstars”… His recent stumbles have stripped him of that otherworldly mystique, leaving him looking oddly human in defeat.”

They keep repeatedly unleashing the “World’s Strongest Man” Mark Henry on poor Morrison in recent weeks. This is the old Beauty vs. the Beast or David vs. Goliath gimmick — a regular civilized dude pitted against a super-human beast.  The fans love a mis-match, especially when the mis in the mis-match is to-die-for beautiful.

But instead of allowing JoMo to rally in the end and defeat the beast, they keep flipping the script on him and leaving him crushed like roadkill.

So let’s enjoy it while it lasts.  Be sure to DVR these final episodes featuring the Jobber to the Stars  taking more abuse than any man should be forced to suffer.  And don’t forget to change your DVR settings to “Don’t Delete!” because after JoMo is gone, you’ll find yourself missing him.  (Until some other hottie comes along and captures our attention!)