On the October 31st episode of WWE Monday Night Raw, Alberto Del Rio (looking spectacular in his silver speedo) was thrown in the ring with the Big Show.
This match was a “Face Turn” for Del Rio (a switch to becoming a good guy) due to his suffering the brunt of the abuse and rolling around looking helpless and exhausted in his shiny little briefs.
What is interesting about Alberto in this match — besides his eye-catching metallic briefs — is his easy, natural transition to a new role as a Beaten Baby-Face. He has always played the Arrogant Aristocrat: cold-hearted, aloof, snobby, and self-absorbed. Now he looks so pitiful and helpless, you just can’t help but want to watch him suffer.
I think I like Del Rio better as a Baby-Face than a Heel. He’s too damn gorgeous to play Villain. And he likes to wear white or shiny silver gear — the hallmark of a classic Baby wrestler.
And his suffering is just profoundly beautiful — I’m sure this guy in the front row wearing the Raiders hoodie would agree with me on that.
What I liked the very best about the Del Rio squash was not the match itself (Big Show pretty much crushed him and left him out cold), but what happened right after the match.
C.M. Punk, wearing his “Best in the World” t-shirt, struts to the ring and sits down next to the vulnerable, exhausted specimen of manhood. Punk, who has his Ph.D. in Ring Psychology, takes a few moments to coldly survey the flesh and muscle of the beaten man, looking over that spectacular physique like a vulture contemplating a tasty, meaty carcass it’s about to tear into — confident the carcass isn’t going to go anywhere or defend itself.
Punk squirts fluid on Del Rio’s face (his bottle is a phallic symbol) to partially awaken him. Then Punk speaks some of the most exciting sentences I’ve ever heard a man say:
“Can you hear me, Alberto? I need you to comprehend this… I need you to process what’s about to happen to you.”
“What’s about to happen to you is I’m going to ask you a question. It’s a simple yes or no answer, but I have a feeling you’re going to say ‘Yes’ — because prior to me asking you this question, I’m going to twist you into a pretzel with a move that I like to call the Anaconda Vise.”
“Are you with me? Can you hear me? And I’m not gonna let go until you say ‘Yes’ — or ‘Si’ — to giving me my match at Survivor Series?” I guess you had to be there. Punk is so calm and confident as he explains to the still-dazed Del Rio exactly how he’s going to destroy him in just a few seconds.
Sure enough, Punk then did exactly what he said he was going to do. He slapped on his Anaconda Vise — which I suppose punishes the shoulder and neck — and Del Rio began screaming for mercy. But Punk was relentless with his embrace, refusing to have compassion, keeping on the pressure until he forced Del Rio to agree to wrestle with him.
Featuring Del Rio shirtless and vulnerable — in contrast to Punk who is wearing a crisp white t-shirt — added to the compassion we feel for Del Rio. His body is exposed, his naked flesh accessible to our prying eyes. He had to wrestle Big Show previously, so he is presented to us bare-chested, sweaty, used and abused. Punk, meanwhile, has the advantage — of being clothed, well-rested, shielded by his cotton t-shirt which separates him from Del Rio’s face in the Anaconda Vice.
Whew! Have you ever been watching Wrestling and had to pause the show and go smoke a cigarette? This little scene hits on so many hot spots: masculine domination, forced obedience, abuse of perfection, Superman humiliated by a troll. Del Rio acts so proud and dignified, so to see his perfection splooged in the face, then tortured and degraded — utterly defiled — by a grungy, greasy little Punk — it had the tone and flavor of a sexual deflowering, I suppose — a rape.
The reaction of the crowd was most interesting. Even before Punk had released the hold, they began to chant “C. M. Punk! C. M. PUNK!” with extreme passion — basically worshiping him. They were like monks chanting about God. They’re permitting him — or encouraging him — to break the rules, to be as nasty as he wants to be. And the pay-off for the crowd is the excitement they feel, the arousal, from watching Punk misbehave and torture guys.
This makes me wish I had cable TV again. I love Del Rio. He will make a great babyface–though I hope he keeps his arrogance. CM Punk I love even more–in the matches I’ve seen him in, he’s been a nice relief from the antiseptic grand style of WWE.
What a GORGEOUS man, Del Rio is! I absolutely LOVE his BULGING, silver speedo. Seeing him in it, I’m reminded of my childhood and more specifically…of “JIFFYPOP” POPCORN. Does everyone remember that? It was stove top popcorn kernels in a del-contained, sturdy foil pan with an aluminum foil sheet over the top, that expanded with the time and heat as the popcorn started popping within.
As a kid, I’d enjoyed it as a fun treat on the odd Friday night. I’d watch “EXCITEDLY” as the burner’s heat gradually made the aluminum foil cover rise and bulge nicely. It just kept right on growing and expanding in front of my eyes! I LOVED it! It was SUCH a thrill for a little kid to behold. And just when the foil looked as if it would EXPLODE from the pressure within, it was done. We’d ALWAYS fight over who’d be the LUCKY ONE that got to RIP OPEN that big bulging foil and then reach inside to grab a big handful of that HOT treat inside! That’s ALL I can think of now when I look at Del Rio in his new attire. Those “invitingly packed” silver trunks of his, appeared to have gotten tighter and tighter on him as the match progressed; as if their internal pressure had been building towards some sort of violent EXPLOSION! At the end of the match, as he’s laying there motionless on the ring floor – his beefy legs slightly opened, his silver basket achingly bulging out, and with his “HEAD” to one side – ya’ just wanna’ yell, “MINE!” and then RIP on into that silver foil and begin TOTALLY devouring its tasty contents! (Has Del Rio EVER looked ANY HOTTER??? I DON’T THINK SO!)
D’OH! “Typo!” I’d meant to write…”SELF-contained”and NOT “del-contained”. Damn!
Holy Crap!!! How much hotter could this scenario be? (ok, Punk could be in his usual gear, and in his ‘hairy chest’ incarnation …) … But damn! Now I wish I had not given up on Monday Raw… Hey Arsenal, Thanks for posting this, Ray
Really beautiful coverage…I liked your blow-by-blow deconstruction of the physical and psychological damage that is being imparted onto Alberto Del Rio!!
wow, amazing I love CM Punk watching carafully beaten Del Rio and telling him how he was going to be destroyed, defiled and abused!