Doughboys in Tights

From ballet on the stage to Sherwood Forest on the page, merry men in tights abound in our collected consciousness.  Tights and the men who wear them (in particular, those chubby jobbers that we’ve affectionately taken to calling “Doughboys”) is the subject of today’s listing.

There’s a thrill you can get, observing a group of men in tights, like those pictured above; the colorful smooth form-fitting garments hugging the contours of males in motion, highlighting every muscle and curve.  It’s hard to believe that a garment that has for so long called into question the manhood of its wearers has found a place in the ultra-macho world of pro wrestling—and that an electrifying rush, observing sweaty spandexed-clad men in choreographed moves, can be had in the machismo world of pro wrestling.

Now to tag my trusty partner, the Wrestling Arsenal web-meister, for a pertinent quote from his April 2011 blog entry:

When it comes to a wrestler’s choice of gear, I normally prefer the short speedo-style trunks to the long tights. I guess I’m a leg man. I used to be very picky and unforgiving on this point, but am growing more accepting of various gear choices as time goes by. I finally came to realize that some guys can actually look better tighted than trunked.

1. FIT FOR A DOUGHBOY

Exactly the topic here, how some wrestlers, namely the heavy-set doughboys, can be better “suited,” so to speak, by the stretchy, contour-forgiving fabric of full-length tights.

Not every jobber can comfortably wear tights.  Take for instance this lanky young man on the left, whose frame isn’t bulky enough to hold up the drooping garment.  By contrast, tight-fitting speedo-style trunks of the grappler on the right appear to constrict the man’s blood flow at the upper thigh.  This doughboy would be better served by the comfort and fit of spandex tights.

The stretchy fabric, well-suited to the larger-framed wrestler, is not immune from occasionally “heading south” in the heat of a jobber squash, as witnessed below:

But overall, tights are a welcome-fit for most doughboys.

The era when tights were available only in either black or white is long past. Consider the selection of colors, lines and patterns, different textures and sheens worn in wrestling arenas in recent years…

Add to that a whole bestiary of images, from tiger and leopard to snake…

Truly, the doughboy watcher can have a field day admiring the sheer variety of styles and patterns of the tights of today.

2. BRINGING UP THE REAR

Unlike the web-meister, I’m partial to rear views.  No other garment shows off an impressive pair of buttocks like spandex tights, attractively shaping and hugging the orbs of an even slightly out-of-shape guy.

Rather than consider the material an obstruction, hiding things from view, consider instead the contour-hugging fit of spandex as a “second skin,” leaving little of “doughboy anatomy” to the imagination.  While speedos may afford a glimpse of bare skin, the cut of the garment disrupts that smooth line between the butt and legs that tights afford. For many doughboy watchers partial to a “view from behind,” even squared-off trunks are a preferable option to the traditional but disruptive cut of “jockey-style” shorts.

3. CONSIDERING TIGHTS…

Of course it’s not only jobbers that don the tights.  Ravishing Rick Rude made a trademark of his Chippendale grinding and posturing in tights, always sure that there were women on hand to admire the show (God forbid any guys should get aroused!)

Honestly speaking, I always found his displays a bit of a turn-off.  Give me any of the hard-working jobbers on this page over the loud arrogance of a heel like Rick.  I’ll take soft-bellied flesh at the waistline, an “inch-to-pinch” over six-pack abs any day.

But there are reasons, I believe, beyond the comfort and fit, that these jobbers were suited as they were, often in brightly colored tights (baby-blue seems to have been the color of choice). First, the old stereotype that only sissies wear tights subtly painted these assigned losers as girlie-men (Ravishing Rick with his displays of uber-masculinity was able to counter this aspect of tights). Next, the same garments that allowed Ravishing Rick to flounce his physique and doughboys subtly to hide extra pounds and bulges became brutally honest and unforgiving under the bright glare of the arena lights once the action started.  Unlike heels in tights, whose ripped muscles exude confidence, arrogance even, spandex on an ordinary or a slightly out of shape guy tends to give him a more vulnerable aura, emphasizing every bulge and curve that’s about to face a pounding from the heel of the day.

I empathize and feel for these guys. I’m a fan of theirs.  If I were an autograph hound, I’d line up for “John Hancock’s” of Dale Wolfe or Brian Costello over any of the current stable of pro wrestling stars.  It bothers me when others laugh and ridicule jobbers and view them as no more than punching bags and clowns.  I worry when a guy is carried out on a stretcher (“Was that real?” I wonder.) But here’s the contradiction: when doughboys in tights begin to sell the jobbing and end up hanging over the ropes, sprawled out on the mat in revealing positions, suffering any number of other indignities, I have to admit, I’m drawn in, I’m on board, it’s a turn-on for me as well!