Ted Tortured, part 2 of 2

Let’s continue our review of Ted DiBiase Jr’s feud with Indian-born Jinder Mahal.  On a recent episode of WWE Smackdown, poor Ted was attacked by Mahal and placed in a back-snapping Camel Clutch by the evil foreigner.  Our American pretty-boy was left humbled and humiliated at the feet of the Indian bully, broken and beaten.

Then on the 12/30/11 episode of Smackdown, Ted was given a chance for revenge in a one-on-one grudge match with his attacker.

In an interview before the match, Jinder Mahal (wearing a turban) expressed his disgust for us pathetic Americans and our silly New Year’s Resolutions.  I think he called us and our whole country fat and lazy.

So the fans were especially excited when heroic Ted DiBiase burst into the arena looking buff in his cherry red trunks.  The smiling American lad shook hands, signed autographs, and flexed his ab muscles to ensure the fans would love and cheer for him.

The foreign-ness, the other-ness, the outlandishness of Jinder Mahal is emphasized by his wearing of a turban and robes, which nobody in his country probably even wears in this century.  Is this a joke?  This evil foreigner schtick is like a pro wrestling match from the 1970’s or 80’s!

The fans are led to believe that Ted, angry over his Camel Clutch humiliation two weeks ago, will now get his revenge on the foreign bastard.  He sure looks pissed off enough to break that smug Indian bully in two pieces. (CUTE!)

Surely justice will be served when Ted kicks Jinder’s ass and we will all go home satisfied that American can-do spirit and determination will prevail over sneak attacks and torture inflicted by bad men from other lands.

But vengeance is not in the cards for the American Baby-Face.  Instead, we see our hero again suffering at the feet of the foreign bad-ass, who stands in domination flexing his muscles and celebrating his destruction of American culture.

Maybe we Americans really are fat and lazy compared to people from other countries.  Maybe we deserve to be beaten down due to the way we over-consume, and pollute, and bully the rest of the world.

The feeling I get from these American Pretty-Boy vs. Evil Foreigner matches is that the foreign wrestler (like a terrorist) is fueled by hate and therefore has an advantage over the good-natured, lovable American boy. The foreign wrestler is always armed with some killer hold like the Camel Clutch — a deadly weapon.  We understand that  the Boy Next Door has no chance against a hateful, brain-washed killer bent on destruction of our entire way of life.

Maybe we feel a little guilty over our relative wealth and success compared to the many poor people from less fortunate countries like India.  Maybe we are superstitious and we feel a human sacrifice once in a while is necessary for us to maintain our good fortune.  Seeing poor Ted DiBiase crushed under Mahal’s knee may satisfy this instinctive urge to throw some virgin into a volcano every few years to satisfy the gods.

Mahal again applies his dreaded Camel Clutch, the exact same move that destroyed DiBiase in their previous encounter.  Oh no, not again!  That is degrading!

Being beaten over and over by the same hold is humiliating because the victim never learns to avoid or escape the inevitable submission.  The implication is that he is helpless.  And Mahal keeps employing this sure winner repeatedly — sadistically!

I’m still not sure what it is about seeing an American punished by a foreigner that strikes a chord of excitement in the audience (and in me…)  I just know that I get goosebumps and an electrical charge when I see Mahal break our hero then stand over him in victory, with utter disdain for the beaten Baby-Face and the American culture he represents. You’d think our society has moved beyond this simplistic xeno-phobia, but Mahal’s recent domination of Ted DiBiase proves we have not.

In fact, I’d like to see this happen to DiBiase on a weekly basis for at least the next two months (Did you hear that, WWE Bookers?)  They should create a website where we could tune in just to watch Ted DiBiase getting Camel-Clutched by each and every foreign wrestler they can find who wants to beat him up.  I’m not sure what this says about me and my appetites, but I’d subscribe.