Ted = Brad

You may recall that recently I blogged (or obsessed) about Ted DiBiase Jr. suffering beautifully in the dreaded Camel Clutch.  One of my readers shared this interesting observation:

“Ted Jr is the new Brad Armstrong for me. Hot hunk of man who can sell it or dish it ….in those hot trunks! Grrrr.”

As soon as I read that comment, I realized this reader made an excellent point (good job, John!)  There are so many similarities between everyone’s favorite Baby-Face from the 1990’s — Brad Armstrong — and today’s suffering pretty-boy du jour, Ted DiBiase.

When Ted first started his career, he played the arrogant, spoiled rich kid like his daddy (which didn’t really work for Junior.)  Since then, he experienced a “Face Turn” and became a man of the people.  He now holds tailgate parties to interact with his beloved fans — the “DiBiase Posse“– to show them how much he loves them.  This is something Brad Armstrong would have done!

Let’s examine some other ways that Ted channels the spirit of Brad…

The Look

Both Ted and Brad maintain a tremendous physical condition.  Their bodies are actually similar in size and shape.  Ironically, they both put their hearts and souls into looking their best and staying as fit (and hunky) as possible, yet never have the best success in the ring. This is part of the Baby-Face persona: the hard worker who can never seem to rise to the top.

They also wear colorful gear (like all great Faces).  You could often find Ted and Brad in bright purple, fire engine red, and baby blue —  any flashy color that would reveal their assets as much as possible and keep your eyes focused between their belt line and their thighs.

Although their bodies look incredible in their bright gear, neither Ted nor Brad were model perfect in the face.  They weren’t what I’d call particularly gorgeous.  They were both ruggedly handsome and college quarterback looking, don’t get me wrong, but they had the mild facial imperfections, crooked smiles and heavy brows that go hand-in-hand with masculinity (which is just fine with this wrestling fan!)  If they were too gorgeous, they’d seem fake or plastic.  A good guy wrassler who is meant to suffer should never be too beautiful or perfect in my opinion…

The Legacy

Brad and Ted are both sons of pro wrestlers.  We get the sense that these young hopefuls are trying to impress dear old dad — hoping to shine in their fathers’ eyes.  Yet the sons — although more handsome and muscular than their daddies — seem to be less successful when it comes to kicking ass and winning matches.

So a sub-plot in the life stories of both Brad and Ted is this effort to live up to the legacy of the father.  Did having this dominant father in their lives cause both Brad and Ted to adopt their submissive, baby-face personalities?

The Brothers

Both Brad and Ted also have brothers who wrestle.  Brad must compare himself to brothers Scott, Steve, and Brian, while Ted has siblings Mike and Brett to contend with.  So both Brad and Ted grew up in families with lots of other hunky athletic young men to grapple with and compete against.  If you grew up in a family of boys around the same age, then I’ll bet you know how to wrestle and fight and are pretty good at it…

The Partners

Brad Armstrong’s Tag Team partner was fellow pretty-boy and fan-favorite Tim Horner.  They called themselves the “Lightning Express” and bounced around the ring in matching gear, thrilling their shrieking fans like rock stars and hugging each other a lot.  Back in the 80’s, many pretty-boys were paired up and beaten up to double the visual appeal and to imply a gay relationship between them.

Ted joined fellow Legacy hunk Cody Rhodes in a love-hate pairing that caused jaws to drop every time these studs entered the arena in their skimpy speedos.

Therefore both Ted and Brad were partnered with fellow good looking, popular stars — and both Ted and Brad were perhaps the more attractive but less savvy or aggressive member of their team.

Both the Lightning Express and Legacy teased the fans by frequently clinging and embracing, implying they may be more than friends.

Both the Lightning Express and Legacy tag teams failed to attain the highest levels of success and eventually broke up.  Maybe when you pair up two studs, their jealousy will derail them.  Or maybe when two pretty-boys partner, the jobbery nature of both men will reveal itself.

The Lovability

You had to love Brad — he forced us to love him.  He always smiled and slapped high fives.  He wore patriotic colors to show his love for our country.  He never boasted nor cheated nor complained.  He always tried hard, but failed miserably, like an eager kitten that keeps getting swatted down by the old Tomcat.

Ted DiBiase captures a similar vibe as he flirts shamelessly with the fans and spreads peace and love.  Did Ted perhaps watch videos of Brad Armstrong to learn how to play the beloved Baby?  Ted’s face is on perma-smile.

The Suffering

Both Ted and Brad take numerous degrading beatings.  Part of their problem is that they are just regular guys with just regular names — a curse in pro wrestling.  The common names of  “Ted” and “Brad” are too plain compared to the exciting names and titles like: “Fabulous“, “Wonderful”, “Flamboyant“, and “Incredible.”  Nice guys and regular Joes finish last, especially in pro wrestling.  These two shmoes need some chutzpah in order to be really successful in the ring.

When Ted and Brad are seen smiling their way to the ring, we all know they’re about to experience pure torture.  They seem to be the only ones in the audience who do NOT realize that, once again, they’ll be choked, kicked, and generally torn limb from limb.  Their gullibility, their willingness to get eagerly into the ring for another ass kicking, is also a key part of their personalities and the reason the fans love to watch them.

And they both sell their pain perfectly, erotically squirming around and cringing in pure agony in whatever hold is being inflicted on them.