Inherited Primitive Behaviors, 3 of 3

This article continues the discussion of the Theory of Inherited Wrestling Behaviors presented a couple weeks ago and further expounded on last week.  The theory is based on the following assumptions:

• Humans (all species) are born with ingrained behavior patterns.
• The greater the survival value of a trait, the more likely it will be passed down.
• Our inherited traits when it comes to social patterns are most likely similar to our modern chimpanzee cousins.

Notice that wrestling fans never get bored of the classic story lines.  We never tire, year after year, of watching yet another eager Baby-Face, for example, take a shot at the Champ and suffer a humbling beating — or some foreign bastard punishing a local hero.

According to the Theory, these scenarios never get stale because they’re burned into our very DNA. just like our eye color or likelihood we’ll get heart disease.  Pro Wrestling scenarios mirror the old skirmishes our ancestors witnessed through eons of human development, so they are comfortable, natural, and enjoyable to watch.

To test the Theory in action, let’s take a look at some of the matches we see repeated often in the wrestling ring and see how they mirror human life back in Hunter and Gatherer days.

Rookie vs. Veteran

One of the most common story-lines in pro wrestling features the young up-and-comer trying to topple the mean old veteran.  This is a direct reference to our pre-historic power struggles: the challenge of a younger Beta Male against an older, more crafty Alpha Male for the leadership position.

The passionate reactions of the crowd reveal that this conflict is deeply rooted in our DNA — a scene our ancestors watched unfold for millennia.

Young female fans in the crowd, you’ll notice, will scream wildly in support of the rookie challenger.  This is because, at least among chimps, when a young buck first secures the Alpha Male position, he will mate with all the females.  Modern female wrestling fans still cling to this anticipation in their monkey brains.  They look forward to getting with the virile young hard-body with fresh DNA rather than the old dog that has been bothering them for years.

Young men may also cheer for the young challenger because they sense that they may gain power by aligning with him.  He smiles at them and shakes their hands, he seems to be “One of the Guys,” so they instinctively hope for him to win to potentially raise their own social status.

But most fans expect, and are pleased to see, the punishment of the uppity challenger.  His is taking on our Alpha Male — something we submissive Beta Males are afraid to do ourselves, so we’re jealous of the cocky younger show-off.  He is trying to upset the social order we’re comfortable with.  If he is like most chimps, he may want to mate with our female after he wins, and may even drive us out of the troop.   More mature fans therefore expect (and love to watch) the young challenger beaten into submission by our long-time Alpha Male — it’s human nature developed over centuries.

Squash Match

An aggressive Alpha Male chimp will often bully, attack, or threaten other males who have a lower social status, apparently for no reason.  His aggression is meant to intimidate the weaker males and maintain the pecking order.  He gives his subordinates a daily reminder of his superior status.

A pro wrestling squash job is just a flashback to the days when we human beings lived in packs and observed the pecking order in practice — an aggressive Bull rough-housing, bullying, or beating up his weaker counterparts to keep the social order intact.  It isn’t unfair and it isn’t personal — it’s just natural.  One-sided punishment is a reminder to the submissive male that he’s on the bottom, that he doesn’t stand a chance, that he better not stir up trouble or lead a revolt.

Also the Alpha Male must defend the troop against invasion and lead the fight against other tribes.  Back in our hunter-gatherer days, we sure didn’t want a lazy, out-of-shape Alpha protecting us, so it’s comforting to see him practice his moves during peaceful times so he’s ready for the next big fight.  Thus, we naturally love a tough, brutal Heel.

A one-sided squash match is comforting to watch because it reassures us that our Alpha Male is a bad-ass; that he is in shape and knows some great moves; that he’s ready to protect us and our offspring. The submissive males who suffer the Alpha Male’s practice sessions (the “jobbers”) are just helping to keep our Alpha in fighting shape.

Foreign Bastard

Another common pro wrestling match pits an Evil Foreigner against the Home Town Boy.  Many wrestlers wear outlandish costumes (such as a mask) and perform strange rituals in the ring to emphasize that they’re different from the people in the audience.  They play up the fact that they’re not one of us.  The Foreign Bastard represents a challenger coming from a different troop, trying to take over and subjugate us.

An Invader is to be feared and hated because, in primate societies, if he defeats our Alpha Male, he will most likely kill the nursing babies in order to spread his own DNA. He will certainly take all our females for himself and may also drive the males (us) from the troop to eliminate any threat to his authority.

This is what happens in chimp society, so it’s our own legacy as well.  We revile a foreign bastard and realize it’s critical to our very survival for Our Hometown Boy (our Alpha) to win the match.

Loser Leaves Town

“Loser Leaves Town” matches were common when there were territorial wresting federations.  The loser of a bout would be forced to disappear for a while, which affected his income.  Fans that loved the wrestler would not have the pleasure of seeing him perform.  (Often he would don a wrestling mask and sneak back into the ring anyway, and everyone except the officials could easily tell it was the same dude.)

When a chimp behaves too aggressively against the Alpha Male, he will often be driven away from the troop — forced to fend for himself.  This removes the threat of an aggressor who wants to vie for the leadership position.  The “Loser Leaves Town” matches of yore were direct references to this common primate behavior that, I’m sure, happened frequently during human evolution.