The writer of the excellent Blog “Neverland Ranch” always finds the words to express exactly what I was thinking. I’d accuse him of reading my mind, but better than that, he writes what I would be thinking if only I could find the proper terms and precise words to translate my rambling brainwaves into comprehensible language.
Neverland recently posted a compelling analysis (as a follow-up to one of my previous ramblings) about the “Give and Take” inherent in a wrestling match. He expertly describes the profound relationship that grows between two combatants — the story of intimacy being told as a confident fighter is overtaken and, in surprise, finds himself beaten down while the one causing the suffering watches the effects of his handiwork. He writes: “There’s something almost more intimate about Mr. Joshua’s fixed gaze on his outmatched opponent suffering beneath him than any physical contact exchanged between the two.”
In the spirit of “Give and Take” and in thanks for digging out my brain matter, sorting it, and straining out the words, I want to expand on this story of “power and vulnerability” Neverland describes — specifically what happens in their relationship when the wrestlers’ eyes meet. When the victim defiantly returns the dominant wrestler’s gaze, what passes between them is a fascinating conversation: “You know I’m gonna hurt you and I like it.” “I know, I like it too, and I can see you realize that.”
The poets say your eyes are the window to your soul. Eyes are more expressive than any other body part. So to lock eyes with someone opens a connection of souls. You can’t hold the gaze of someone you hate or are intimidated by. Admit it — you can only stare eye to eye with someone you’re comfortable with and/or attracted to. The reason is because your eyes will tell him exactly to the cent how much you’re enjoying his presence.
In Catcher in the Rye, Holden Caulfield says: “What scares me most in a fist fight is the guy’s face. I can’t stand looking at the other guy’s face, is my trouble. It wouldn’t be so bad if you could both be blindfolded or something. It’s a funny kind of yellowness, when you come to think of it, but it’s yellowness, all right.”
Could it be that what Holden really fears is not the other guy’s expression of pain and scary hatred resulting from being punched, but of the intimacy that seems to form between combatants (and lovers) when they see eye to eye, and what that might say about himself? Maybe fear of intimacy is the “funny kind of yellowness” that causes Holden to hate fist fights. Holden is like me though — he has trouble saying exactly what he is thinking, so we will never know for sure why he can’t stand looking at the other guy’s face.
Many wrestlers are not as yellow as Holden. They don’t mind staring into the other guy’s face — into his soul. In fact, they drink it in. Some wrestlers, the best wrestlers, could spend the whole match watching the other wrestler watching him causing or absorbing pain. The male gaze of the attacker is defiantly and relentlessly returned by the victim, and they end up enjoying a prolonged staring contest. Not only are their bodies locked in combat — so are their eyes. Talk about intimacy.
