Funk the Bounty Hunter, part 2 of 2

Yesterday’s article from an old school wrestling magazine, which described how Terry Funk cripples his opponents for money, must have stirred up an increase in magazine sales, because here is another magazine — this one from December 1981 — with a very similar story.

Per usual, we see a mix of sex and violence on the cover to entice someone browsing the magazine rack to shell out $1.25 to buy it (e.g., two “savage” women battling in bikinis, a sweaty and bare-chested Don Muraco embracing another man, a headline claiming that the Funks cripple for money, etc.)  Perhaps you remember those days, before the Internet was invented, when you got your wrestling fix from magazines at the drug store.

In the article, we learn that Terry Funk was wrestling handsome Tommy Gilbert, and then Terry’s sadistic brother Dory brought a metal chair into the ring.  With help from his bro, Terry delivered his deadly Pile Driver, spiking Gilbert’s head onto the chair to cripple him.  The Funks were then reimbursed for their cruel actions by some creepy manager named Jim Kent.

Terry Funk then stuffed some of the cash into Gilbert’s mouth, which is meant to sexualize the scene.

In the caption next to the photos, the Funks are described as the “hunters” and Gilbert is the “hunted.”  Why would a man ever “hunt” another man?  Certainly not to eat him…

The Million Dollar Man would later use the same gimmick, jamming bills into a defeated man’s mouth to symbolize raping him.  This is similar to the way men stuff cash into a stripper’s bikini — to mark one’s territory, to symbolically discharge something personal into the body of the receiver, to exploit with petty cash.  Money is a reference to virility and potency.

The money shot in wrestling is an act of penetration by the dominant wrestler, the dirty dollar bills soiling or defiling the beaten man, with the victor’s fingers stroking the man’s face and pressing into his wet mouth — a rather intimate act to say the least!  His probing finger is a phallic symbol and the money represents the load being shot.

The magazine later describes Terry sitting down into Piledriver position while brother Dory uses the victim’s legs to force his head down onto the chair.  As usual, the author uses colorful language to describe the scene while also titillating the reader:  “a filthy dirty business” (sounds sexual), and “crippling a man” (sounds sadistic).

According to the story, the author had heard a rumor earlier that day that the bounty was offered and that this cruelty was going to take place, and he admits that he couldn’t resist going to watch it happen.  He says: “I don’t know what clicked in me, but I had to go see this match.”  Here the author is outing himself, confessing his own obsession over (arousal over) the violence and cruelty of pro wrestling.  He is telling the reader that he, too, gets into watching shirtless dudes hurt and torture each other, in fact he can’t resist it.

He goes on to say: “Morbid curiosity is what it was, I suppose.”  The phrase “I suppose” indicates that he isn’t sure (or he can’t say) what it is that really drives him to go watch pro wrestling.  Saying “I suppose” opens the door to the possibility in the readers’ thoughts, that something besides morbid curiosity, perhaps something more salacious, is motivating him.

Why was Terry Funk chosen, in both of these magazine articles, to play the Bounty Hunter, the cruel heel accepting cash to cripple other men?  Was it his rough looks, the longish hair and scruffy goatee, that made him resemble a vicious hombre from the wild west, who would agree to hurt someone for pay??  Perhaps Funk has some sado-masochistic tendencies in real life, so he was a natural choice to portray the Bounty Hunter.  The irony is that, after “crippling” so many other wrestlers over the years with his deadly Piledriver and other violent actions, Terry Funk himself has been left virtually crippled in real life, unable to move about without pain.  In effect, he has crippled himself for pay…

I remember the good old days when the outrageous Heels would put out “bounties” on other wrestlers, offering to pay anybody to injure the poor victims.  That was hot!  That was what made pro wrestling so colorful and exciting — the outrageousness of the Heels!  Nowadays, wrestling has cleaned up its act a bit too much, and the NFL is the only sport where bounties are still being paid for injuring fellow athleses.

I can tell you that bounties made the young viewer very anxious for the Hero who is suddenly fair game for any Tom, Dick, or Harry to come along and hurt him.  Why in the world didn’t the Hero run for his life, upon learning that someone put out a bounty on him??  Why did the courageous fool willingly step in the ring against all comers, knowing that they’re out to hurt him on purpose so they can get paid??  And why didn’t the Federation or the local police do something to prevent this practice: paying people to hurt other people??  Is that even legal — to put bounties on other people’s heads??

I sure didn’t know the answers to all these questions, but I knew that something clicked in me, and I had to watch pro wrestling.  I guess it’s the same thing that makes a guy follow the sirens of the cop cars.  Morbid curiosity is what it is, I suppose.