Who’s the Boss?

All Pro Wrestling posts their weekly rasslin show — “APW Gym Wars” — on YouTube in high-def quality.  On the April 14th, 2012 episode, this stud in the shiny silver speedo (Derek Sanders) wrestled a chubby, pathetic “dough-boy” wearing a mask — Mr. Wrestling IV. This match begins at the 32:30 mark if you want to jump right to the Main Event.

Wow, those trunks on that ASS!  Plenty of flexing.  Nice mat wrestling.  They even provided us a looker for a referee.  I am IMPRESSED!  APW sure knows what they’re doing.  Who needs a television network any more?  Who needs advertisers?  Any federation with a decent digital camera and a volunteer camera man (ME!  PICK ME!!) can record the action and post it for all the world to see, virtually for free.

Sanders plays the cocky bastard — arrogant, self-centered, brutal.  He calls himself “The Boss” because he is “Always in control.”  I sure wouldn’t mind having him for a boss.

He has “The BOSS!” written in pink across his well-formed posterior.  This is just a reminder to the viewers, just in case anyone forgot to keep their eyes glued to his trunks, or forgot to keep treating him with deference and respect.

In the Golden Age of pro wrestling, a heavy-set Masked Man like Mr. Wrestling would be respected as a rough, tough brawler.  Now, however, nobody wears Old-School masks or over-sized trunks like this.  Also, the modern pro wrestler enjoys a sleek, ripped, and streamlined body as opposed to the huskier build of yesteryear.  Therefore, Mr. Wrestling IV is doomed from the start.  He’s seen as a throw-back, a has-been, a dead gimmick.

YouTube has raised the bar for pro wrestling  everywhere.  In addition to hours of pro wrestling on television (if you have cable or satellite), we now have access to every second of wrestling footage from all around the world. We can afford to be picky.

So wrestlers had better look great in trunks, the matches had better be exciting, and the action had better make our dicks twitch in about the first five seconds, or we will quickly surf on to something else the moment we’re bored.