As a general rule, this wrestling fan prefers wrestlers who wear trunks. Call me shallow and superficial, but the tighter and skimpier, the better. I think most wrestling fans (and wrestlers) must feel this way, judging from the frequency of trunk-wearers among pro wrestlers even though society in general frowns upon men wearing tight skimpy bathing suits in public.
There is just something commanding and confident about tight little trunks, the entire man proudly on display. It’s as if the wrestler is saying: “Yes, go ahead and look at me. We both know you love it!” David Otunga, for example, used to wear snug fitting trunks that made the fans scurry to hit the Pause button to get a better look. Recently, he switched to a fuller cut, and our Pause buttons are getting a bit less usage.
The wrestler Chaz (no last name actually — just plain Chaz) wasn’t the most cut or muscular athlete, but he made up for any physical shortcomings by wearing the most colorful, eye-catching, skimpy speedos of his day. Wrestling fans still remember and appreciate some of his entertaining little bikinis.
Color choice can help a wrestler express his attitude and personality, the shade or hue of his gear sending unspoken messages about himself. Bright white is usually for good guys and jobbers; wimpy, effeminate jobbers prefer pink or baby-blue; evil heels love black, but also dark navy, purple, or blood red. Flamboyant heels can get away with wild, garish outfits that would shock a Drag Queen.
A wrestler who prefers trunks doesn’t get to wear much clothing into the ring, so every square inch of fabric counts toward explaining the nature of his character and entertaining the audience.
When he has chosen just the right gear and he knows it, a skilled pro wrestler will showcase his costume, revealing the front, back, and sides for inspection by the viewers, placing his body in just the right positions to give everyone a nice look.
I’ve learned recently, however, that certain wrestlers are better off in an alternative costume. The wrestling singlet is a great option for a beefy real-man who still wishes to show off his body, but with a bit more lycra to contain his bulk. The tightness of the singlet still shows off his physique, and actually draws more attention to his body and his movements when flashy, shiny fabric and designs are used to capture our attention.
Singlets are tight around the thighs, looser under the belly, so they actually cup and support him just right to show his manhood in a flattering way. The man’s size is enhanced and proudly displayed in a well-made singlet compared to most tight-fitting little trunks.
A singlet also sends a message that this wrestler knows what he’s doing — he is a Bad-Ass who knows at least 1,000 wrestling holds. Wearing a singlet means he probably wrestled in high school or college where you actually need to know how to fight to survive.
I recently stumbled upon this rare image of Daniel Bryan in a singlet and thought: My, my, my! What have we here?! That tight singlet really works for Mr. Bryan in my opinion, better than trunks.
The cut of the singlet makes his square frame appear curvier, more massive up around the chest and shoulders, and slimmer around the waist. That shiny fabric draws the eyes to his body and crotch (where our eyes belong) as well.
To any WWE promoters out there reading this Blog who want more fans to worship and support Daniel Bryan — consider making the skin-tight singlet cut high on the hips his standard look. I for one would join Team Bryan if this were the uniform.
Long tights are another popular look among pro wrestlers (and Super-heroes). Yes, tights are sexy. Even Doughboys look amazing in the right tights. Fighting shirtless in pants has always been a hot button for me, probably ever since I saw a comic strip about Abe Lincoln stripped to the waist in a wrestling match. Tights are just a reference to fighting shirtless in pants — really, really tight pants.
We’ve mentioned before how the color and designs on the tights reveal the wrestler’s personality and attitude. Several of you responded with comments like this in support of long tights:
“Sweaty, bulging wrestling tights ROCK! They’re ONE of only TWO reasons why I enjoy watching pro-wrestling and/or erotic wrestling match; masks are the OTHER reason!”
And wrestlers must not forget to accessorize. A flamboyant robe or a cape will send the message that he is arrogant and rich, a real sunuvabitch whom the jealous fans should despise.
On the other hand, a shiny but inexpensive ring jacket or vest lets the fans know that the wrestler is a humble good boy — an up-and-comer they can all relate to. Yes, you must strip off these extra layers before the bell rings, but at least you can use clothing to set a good first impression.
Unless the item of clothing is made out of black leather. If a wrestler wears black leather, it usually means he is a bit kinky — perhaps into inflicting pain and punishment on other men.
The best wrestlers are those with tons of gear options, apparently owning boxes overflowing with colorful lycra in many different hues and designs. These wrestlers reveal their love (their fetish?) for wrestling gear by the pure volume of items they own. In pro wrestling, the gear is part of the show, so we love to see wrestlers who surprise us each time by wearing something new, usual, risky, or eye-catching.
I know I’m not alone when I say that Tom Zenk (aka “The Z-Man”) was the first wrestler who “BURST MY DAMN” and got my pent up juices flowing! This handsome jobber’s skimpy, bulging, ring attire coupled with his propensity for writhing around on the ring surface in feigned agony, had me “hooked, lined and sinkered” right from the start!
…DAMN! I misspelled/misspelt “DAM”. I just HATE misspelling a word.
The Rock is also a fine specimen. Great chest and slim waist. He also looked hoy in his blacks trunks with the words “the Rock” in front as if stating the invincibility of his manhood and jewels.