Loving Large

In pro wrestling these days (and in society), Thin is In.  Lower-weight guys like Cody Rhodes, CM Punk, and Adam Cole are taking top honors and all the fans love them (including this fan…)

However, pro wrestling dominance used to be about size and power.  Wrestlers were meant to have thick bodies, with a big double-helping of muscle and fat packed on a bulky frame.  Wrestlers were supposed to be large, intimidating, and heavier than you.

The idea was that a pro wrestler should be able to over-power and beat up the average man.  If a wrestler wasn’t huge enough to scare you, they’d lie about his weight and add about 20 pounds.

I suppose fitness is in style now and we are all supposed to prefer lean ripped dudes and reject fatties.  Beefy, overweight wrestlers are now often portrayed as jokes or pathetic Doughboys in pro wrestling, even grinding their fat bodies and dancing around for comic relief like Chris Farley playing a Chippendale Dancer in the old Saturday Night Live skit.

I say bring that big old belly hanging over those little trunks until you can barely see them any more.  Let us see some cushion for the pushin’ on some of the grapplers!

Maybe it’s because I grew up respecting and fearing the big fat evil ass-kickers, but I still find something intimidating, powerful, even a little breath-taking in an over-weight, super-sized, crushing type dude.  I like to see his uncontrollable body barely contained by his over-stretched trunks.

A big, weighty physique proudly displayed is like an ever-present threat, and you had better show the Man some respect or you may get squashed like an annoying bug.

If you are lucky enough to see Ring of Honor wrestling on television, you might have recently witnessed Mike Bennett’s creepy old manager — “Brutal” Bob — strip down to his over-sized spandex trunks to beat down some eager greenhorns.  (Bob is only 39 years old, but is meant to be some relic from the Golden Age of brawn and boots…)

This character really captures the look and feel of an old-school pro wrestler: no nonsense, beefy, intimidating, and sadistic.  His is portrayed as a bad-ass able to put the hurt on anybody, like an old-timey brawler should. I am kind of digging on him despite the fact that he doesn’t fit the modern mold — or maybe because he doesn’t fit the modern mold.  He is something different for once.  Thanks again ROH — Brutal Bob is a nice walk down memory lane for this wrestling fan.

So this is a reminder to the pro wrestling bookers, rasslers, and promoters out there reading this Blog that a variety is the spice of life.  They don’t all have to be fresh and healthy like a garden salad.  Some of us still enjoy a taste of beefy, fatty red meat on the plate to chew on.  Brawn adds some flavor and believability.

Real Men don’t do crunches.  I’m not saying a Heel wrestler has to be freaky massive and gigantic like Abdullah or Bundy, but a little extra flesh rolling over the waistband of the trunks can be eye-catching and awe-inspiring.

And when a Tag Team of beefy real men decided to pair up, their power and brawn is twice as nice.  The way they strut to the ring lets every man in the audience know that if one of these hairy-chested brutes can’t crush you into submission, the other one will join in the fray and really make you suffer.   A matched pair of husky He-Men doubles their intimidation factor and apparent power.

Every little federation needs to employ just one Tag Team of dudes who resemble Arn and Tully, just to keep the pretty boys honest and the fans satisfied.