Beef a la Mode

If you’ve been watching WWE Raw on Monday nights, you’re very familiar with this handsome young buck wearing that sweet leather jacket — former referee Brad Maddox. This week, the WWE Universe finally had the pleasure of seeing Brad stripped down to bulging silver-and-black boy shorts and actually wrestling.  Wow, that face, that hair, that body — even his ring jacket is appealing…

As discussed in my earlier post, Brad was in hot water as a ref when he caused CM Punk to lose a match.  He made up for this error during the recent Pay-per-View by attacking Ryback’s nutsack which enabled Punk to win.

When questioned about his dirty deed, Brad said he just wanted to be famous — then he demanded a match against Ryback.  Be careful what you wish for, stud…

So he was granted his dream match, and if he wins, he will earn a WWE contract.

Brad oozes charisma, slowly opening his jacket (I want that jacket by the way) to give us a look-see at his fit body.  Then an ambulance rolls in, presumably to cart off his broken body, and his cockiness fades away like the evaporating polar ice during one of those films where they speed up the time to demonstrate global warming.

20 years ago, a comely lad like this would have been cast as a Baby-Face — heroic, ambitious, tortured, and beloved.  But nowadays, we’ve grown more cynical — more hateful and dismissive of the All American Boy.  Now it seems most pretty boys are portrayed as arrogant douche bags, and the ugly freaks, weirdos, and brutes are embraced as the people’s heroes.  What has happened in our society that caused handsome masculine beauty to become a liability — a sign of corruption and douche-baginess??

The excited audience clearly wants Maddox to suffer as they cheer for Ryback and chant “Feed Me More!” which is Ryback’s catch-phrase.

Yes, this cocky bastard did bust Ryback’s balls and cost him the championship, but I think the fans’ hatred of him goes beyond just his rule-breaking while serving as a ref.

They seem to want him punished because he is so damn beautiful and perfect, because he is better than us, because he is not a freak or a brute that we can all laugh at and feel superior to.  They want him broken because people want to see all beautiful, perfect men broken.

Maddox has the words “Beef Mode” written on his tights, a reference to a pro football player who said he goes into “Beast Mode” while playing football.

With Ryback using the phrase “Feed Me More!” and Maddox using “Beef” as a nickname, I am reminded of cannibalism, the reference to being devoured by a beast.  This is a theme my fellow blogger recently discussed in his Project Doughboy series — the portrayal of a Heel wrestler as a man-eater or cannibal, eating his competition.

Maddox totally jobs for Ryback — he is an utter rag-doll, more pathetic and useless than any of the classic jobber boys of yesteryear.  Ryback comes off looking like an unstoppable force of masculinity and dominance, and Maddox comes off looking like a chump.

But, with those pouty lips, and that tousled hair, he sure does suffer beautifully.  So maybe Maddox was meant to be a Good Guy, and instead they’ve cast him as a Bad Guy, but either way, we just really want to see him as a Suffering Guy.

I want to congratulate one of my readers, Marc, who responded to my earlier article on Maddox with the following prediction that was damn near perfect:

“Ahhhhh… Knowing Mr. McMahons brain and past actions, I wouldn’t put it past him to be WORKING this Hottie—> Brad Maddox into a future Story Line. And why wouldn’t He? The Kid is Hot, Beautiful…and has a Body the crowd ( and many of us…) would Love to see get Punished and Worked over by the many, such as indeed….Wade Barrett. Maybe during a match where Wade is working over some Jobber, Brad seeing the kid in major trouble, takes matters into His Own Hands….Lands a Shot to Barrett……..Whamo, Barrett is PISSED and challenges Brad to a fight? OMG!!! DREAM MATCH??? You know I’d watch it………WOOF!!!”

Just substitute Ryback for Wade Barrett, and replace “some Jobber” with CM Punk and you’ll have an accurate description of the events.  Good one, Marc!  Either you really know your pro wrestling stories, or the WWE writers saw your comment and totally stole your idea with some minor tweaks.

Ryback doesn’t really wrestle much with Brad.  Mostly he picks Brad up and slams him onto the back of his head.  Over and over again.  It’s all pretty brutal looking — way beyond the spanking that Brad deserves for clocking Ryback in the crotch.

Usually I don’t really care too much who wins a pro wrestling match.  I just want to see the guys in some hot wrestling holds, enjoy the scenery of suffering, get worked up over some dirty tactics and brutality here and there –and in the end, one or the other wrestler can get a pinfall, I don’t really care who.

But in this match, I truly “marked out” for Maddox — I wanted him to somehow defeat Ryback and win a contract.  So I just want to congratulate the WWE writers and producers — you actually got me to care about the outcome for once (although you didn’t give me the outcome I wanted, you cruel bastards…)

Will we be seeing more of young Brad on WWE now that he’s been humbled and he failed to win his contract?  They’ve  put some time into developing his character, and people all over the internet are buzzing about his hottie — so hopefully this wasn’t the last of him.