I found the most authentic, classic 1980’s style Heel vs. Jobber rasslin’ in the most unlikely place — the new website known as Muscle Boy Wrestling (MBW).
This producer of red hot wrestle-porn is on their third catalog and I’m finally getting around to praising the greatness of their products.
Chris Cannon saunters around slowly like a veteran Ring Boss.
This recent match between Chris Cannon in the shiny electric-blue speedo and Jobber Jake in yellow banana-hammock somehow just looked and FELT like the old-timey matches that excited me as a kid (or maybe more like the erotic combat fantasies that the weekly wrestling programs inspired in my testosterone-soaked brain tissue.)
These lads really know their pro rasslin’. Cannon used tons of classic holds like this ass-to-ass Boston Crab, a bendy Camel Clutch, and later, a Torture Rack. He Body-Slams his jobber repeatedly, drops Elbows to his chest, and then drags the bitch up by the hair for more. I swear if their bodies weren’t so lean and their gear so sexy, I might as well be watching Ron Simmons owning Tommy Angel.
How the hell do these Millenials know and understand the old-school Jobber-Heel dynamic and deliver it so authentically?? Is some middle-aged pro wrestling jerk-off like me coaching these MBW guys?
Jake Zane’s dramatic selling is a tribute to the classic jobbers of yore.
I know what some of you purists are thinking: “But they are wrestling on a mattress, not in a real ring! Where are the ropes??” (By the way, MBW does produce matches in the ring as well, and yes, they are fantastic too.)
But I don’t care that this match happened on amateur wrestling mats, which I normally would pass over. The match is performed in the classic pro STYLE which is what matters most to me.
The Heel and the Jobber in this squash match perform the gimmicks and moves of a pro wrestling match from 40 years ago, and mind-fuck us with that vintage ring psychology.
The mattress in the room allows them to safely perform the throws and slams, and adds an element of sexy eroticism.
Zane understands and embraces his role as Cannon’s toy.
And speaking of “sexy eroticism,” here is where this match surpasses the classic televised wrestling I beat off to for decades. This match is explicitly homo-erotic, mixing the old timey Scissors and Forearm Smashes with grace notes of raunchy Trash Talk, Ass Grabbing, and rough Hair Pulling.
He begged not to be Torture Racked, but Cannon paid no heed to his pleas.
So I’ve bought about a half dozen of MBW’s videos (and counting) so far, and they all earned my Wrestling Arsenal Seal of Approval. Some matches focus more on really good pro wrestling, some have more kissing or fucking, but in general, they strike that perfect balance between pro wrestling and sex that I’ve always fantasized about.
Where did Muscle Boy Wrestling come from? Who are these talented, well-trained, attractive models that I’ve (mostly) never seen before? Who is behind this product and why is it so damn good? Did they somehow scan my brain and extract my private fantasies and secret rasslin’ wet dreams when scripting their scenes?